I hate to admit it. But I must be truthful. While I would like for people to think I am capable of everything, that I have no struggles or issues, I can't. I am a perfectionist plain and simple. I want situations to be resolved immediately; I like to know the answer to the "why" of a question without asking someone else....or, heaven forbid, I am left not knowing. It makes me vulnerable and I don't like that.
God has been growing me since beginning my job a month ago. I have had to learn the "art" of asking people questions, such as "Where can I find this?" or "What do I about this?", that type of thing. I tried once answering the phones by myself within a day of my taking the job. Let's just say I would love to have that opportunity to do over again! =D I figured out that if I lean on others who know more than I do, I will end up learning faster and not make many mistakes. I will become a more well rounded individual if I take the eyes off of myself.
Of course, there have been areas in which I have no mortal person to lean on. Around Thanksgiving, my bird died. I don't know why. Was it the cold? Was it something I did? I don't have the answer; I never will. I have had to lean on the Father for comfort and peace and understanding. I have also had to lay certain coworkers at the feet of Jesus. I mean, why do I have to deal with a boss who is the polar opposite of myself? (Which means she is a slightly crabby introvert) Why do I have people asking questions about homeschooling when I know they won't understand the answer behind it? These two questions only skim the surface of my emotions at work.....and I don't have the ability to have the answers on my own.
God's grace is amazing and abundant. It always is. But when you are weak, I believe wholeheartedly that is when HE is strongest. He alone gets the credit for helping me keep my perfectionism under the surface. And He alone is the one I am glad to lean on with those things beyond my control.
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4 comments:
Yes...God had all the answers...and I believe that someday, we will have the chance to ask Him...face to face. But...I think, maybe...like Job...we may never actually get an answer we can understand...and I am becoming ok with that. As for learning by asking questions...AMEN! THe only stupid question is the one not asked...I learn so much by asking questions, reading and (since I AM definitely a kinesthetic learner) having someone show me. (and asking more questions! LOL) Love you!!!!
You will learn very fast by asking questions. It's the smartest thing you can do. I am so terribly sorry your bird died, my bunny just died on Thursday and it is very tragic. I hope you feel better, it probably wasn't anything you did, it was just its time.
"When I'm weak, You make me strong. When I'm blind, You shine Your light on me. And I'll never get by living on my own ability. How refresing to know You don't need me! How amazing to find that You want me! So I'll stand on Your truth and I'll fight with Your strength-till You bring the victory...by the power of Christ in me!" Casting Crowns, In Me.
You know I struggle similarly with perfectionism and wanting to know all the answers...this song is such a blessed reminder of His grace and power. Love you, my friend!
So sorry about your bird. I have learned to ask the questions of God, but not to demand an answer. Sometimes I think He just wants us to trust Him. And so I do, because as the hymn says, "There's no other way, to be happy in Jesus."
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