Reflections and Promises

The bride readying her bouquet the day before =)

Everyone usually asks, "What were you thinking during the ceremony?" How is there an easy answer for that? How do you sum up a barrage of emotions that come in a forty-five minute time span? Besides the remembrances to "bend your knees so you don't lock them up" of course ;-)

I watched the bride walk down towards her Prince. A man that we had prayed for for years. A man that had come calling just eight months before. I smiled when I saw the two of them together. The bride and groom....they just fit.

I had only met the groom about eighteen hours earlier, but he had my lifetime stamp of approval. Once I saw them together for the first time, I discovered that he was everything that my dear sister-friend needed. Any skepticism I had had flew out the window. He grounded her. He adored her. They complimented each other. I could say, "Yep. I see her married to him for the rest of her life" without any hesitation.

My dear friend had been nervous about saying her vows. Would she cry as she looked into her fiancee's eyes? If only she knew how much I was cheering for her as she said them--and how I fist pumped in my head when she got them word for word correct. (Trust me, I had quizzed her on them--her request-- about five times so I almost had them memorized myself). And then, as the groom dipped her for their kiss.....let's just say their first kiss was oh so fantastic and beautiful and...uh....not awkward. 

I stood and watched all of this unfold. I reflected on what God had done. God had truly taken a situation into His hands, caused it to grow, and written a beautiful love story. I had been there for it all: for the doubting it would ever happen, the confusion when Ashton first came around, the joy in Jennifer's voice as she told me she was engaged. And yes, I wondered if it would ever be the case with me.

Would it ever be me wearing the white dress? Would I have Jennifer cheering me on as I spoke my wedding vows? Would I ever know the feeling of a man adoring me as much as Ashton adores Jennifer? Would I get to join my name with someone and build up the next generation with him? Would I have to wait many more years....or would my story be of a slightly faster nature?

As I blinked back tears (which I do also blame on faulty contact lenses and being overwhelmingly happy), I was reminded of a simple truth. Just as God had written Jennifer's love story, He was also writing mine. I didn't need the answers as to whether or not it would be "fast moving". As to when my Prince Charming would come into my life. All that I needed to know was that my time would---strike that--*is* coming. And I'll have friends standing beside me holding my bouquet, grinning like a Cheshire cat as I am kissed, debating whether or not to have fun walking back up the aisle. I'm just going off of my own occurrences here. ;)

So as Jennifer and Ashton were pronounced man and wife, I marveled at what God had brought together. What I had been blessed to be a part of. And I began to marvel expectantly at what God will bring together for me. Who knows when (Lord willing, sooner rather than later.....), but still, I began to look forward to the day. But on this gorgeous September day, it was Jen and Ashton's day and I could not have been happier. I say that with one hundred percent honesty.

I walked out of the church. Yes, I was thankful I didn't have to stand in one position anymore. Yes, I was thankful that my contact could fall out now. But I was also thankful for two becoming one, for the joining of hearts and the joining of lives. It is such a beautiful celebration. One I loved reveling in as a bridesmaid.....

And one day, someday, I'll love reveling in it as the bride. Someday.

Doubting Moments

You hang up the phone and sigh. The lyrics to a Queen hit go through your mind as you think "Another One Bites the Dust." You mentally count on your fingers just how many friends that makes now...You're genuinely happy for them. You really are and you feel horrible when you have those moments of struggle, regardless of the fact that they are fleeting seconds. You look over your shoulder, wondering if anyone sees that momentary battle. After all, you really are content--that is what you tell yourself and truly deeply feel within your heart and soul--but there is that part of you that feels on the outside looking in. Society says something is wrong with you and since your friends are on the "correct" path, surely you are the problem. You don't feel as if you're doing anything wrong. But niggling bits of doubt remain....it is enough to knock you down...but not out.

The Chinese calendar says 2013 says it is the Year of the Snake. I beg to differ. It is the Year of the Wedding. Seriously, half of the people I know will be getting married by the time December 31st rolls around. I have had so many phone calls, so many Facebook relationship status updates, about relationships I am convinced something is in the water =P It's been a beautiful thing watching all of this happen, especially with certain people. It's what we have prayed for...

And then, there is little old me. I am out there as a newly twenty-three year old college student. I'm the girl who is a daughter, sister, friend. A librarian by day and a college student, aspiring food critic/wedding planner by night. The girl who sings to Carrie Underwood and will randomly break into dance moves when Michael Buble comes on her iPod. The woman who seems to have a lot of interaction with kids and loves every (well, mostly) moment with them. I love my life; it is blessed and rich and full. Yet when you compare it to others, frankly, it seems boring.

The outside looking in is not a fun feeling

Picture this--you're walking along the sidewalk and you hear the sound of laughter. You turn your head and the scene is one that which Norman Rockwell could have painted. A group of people is gathered together--you even know the guests--and everyone is eating cake and partying. And yet, you weren't invited; you didn't get an invitation to the party. All you can do is press your hand and face to the window. You are destined to be a spectator and while you don't always mind.....the pain of being left alone is getting harder and harder to accept with a good attitude.

I know I'm not alone in these emotions
Back in September, I wrote a post that summed up my feelings and it still does. But we're human. We're prone to the Enemy's attacks. We doubt ourselves so many times. By nature, I am a girl who struggles with doubt: Did I really hear what I felt God told me? Am I doing the right thing by doing college? Do I really think I will get married someday? Will a guy find me attractive? Will I always be the one to rejoice and encourage those who have happiness only to have the favor NEVER be returned? Because face it, once people get what they always wanted, they tend to forget about you and the old lives they used to lead. The ones they lived also.

I don't have answers to the questions. And be encouraged, dear readers, we don't have to possess them. And we do not have to resemble every one else. Just because people are getting married, or are on track to get their degrees, or are getting published....and we aren't....that doesn't mean that there is something wrong with it. We do not have to fit ourselves into this box that says _______________ (put in whatever label in the blank). Christ did not create us to blend in; He created us to stand out.

Sometimes standing out takes time....
And a lot of smiling.....and a lot of standing firm in who you are the woman God has called you to be. We all have dreams and if yours are anything like mine, they are wide encompassing =) Don't give up on them. Don't doubt them. Don't let society steal your joy. It's easy to do, losing your joy. Satan can find his way into making us bitter and cynical. Then victory is his when it shouldn't be his team winning the game.

I know. I know. This vulnerable post makes it sound as if I am just bemoaning that I am single, that I hate all my friends for being in relationships. It's not. I am not. I just felt as if this was a post I needed to write right now. Maybe there is an anonymous reader out there who needs to know they aren't alone. Maybe it is a means of being therapeutic, keeping myself honest before God, before y'all, and before myself. Again, I don't have the answers.

Life is messy. Life is complicated. Life is full of exhilarating highs and self doubting lows. But we ALWAYS serve an amazing God. One who does indeed delight in giving good gifts to ALL of His children. For some they occur in 2013...for others it will another year on the calendar. And it is alright.


"But you must not forget this one thing, dear friends: A day is like a thousand years to the Lord and a thousand years is like a day. The Lord isn't really being slow about His promise, as some people think."--2 Peter 3:8-9a 

Blog Link-Up

Two posts from me in a day?! Wow! But seriously, I'm going to try and get "my feet wet" once again in the blog world by doing some link up posts with my dear friend (and sister) Meghan. She has a fantastic giveaway going on at her blog...go check it out.

So this is just a little "Valentine's Day" tag where you get to know me. These are always fun! It's short, I know, but hey.....it's better than nothing.

1. White chocolate or milk/dark chocolate? I am such a dark chocolate person. The darker the better I say ;-)

2. Tea or Coffee? I fluctuate. Give me something Starbucks related--something loaded with sweetness and goodness--I'm all for coffee. But I love a cup of Candy Cane Lane tea, which is a combination of peppermint, spearmint, and vanilla. It is so good.

3. Movie or book on a night-in? I'm both....if I'm in the middle of a good book, I go for it. But if I just want to veg and chill out, I will go for a movie.

4. Rom-com or a tear-jerker? I love tear jerkers. Rom-coms are adorable and I still love those. Tear jerkers tug at my heart and have a tendency to stick in my memory better.

5. Who is the first literary couple to come to your mind? Fitzwilliam Darcy and Elizabeth Bennett

6. Who is the first *movie* couple that comes to your mind? Nicky Ferante and Terry McKay (can you tell I am on "An Affair to Remember" kick? ;-)

7. Roses or chocolate? Roses! I mean, when I was eight I wanted to work at 1-800 Flowers. I'm a flower addict.

8. Fancy dinner in a 4-star restaurant or a simple picnic? It's the foodie in me--I want a fancy dinner in a four (or five ;-) star restaurant. Trust me, the list of restaurants I would love to go to some day is really long. 

9. Dream wedding scenario: outdoor family affair, or a formal church wedding & reception at a 5-star hotel? I'm a combo of both. I want a nice church wedding--not too formal or too casual. I want outdoor pictures....my pinterest board says it all =D

10. What was the last love song you listened to? Oh gosh I hate to admit this........"When You Look Me in the Eyes"....the Jonas Brothers.....

11. Favorite real-life/celebrity couple? PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

12. One piece of advice about love: ..."I pray that you will love life, that you will hold each other with tenderness and have the patience that love demands. That you will speak when words are needed and to share the silence when they are not. And that you will always live in the warmth of each other's hearts and always call it home." (From "The Vow")

Will it Ever Be Me?

Even though Prince Charming isn't a real life entity (despite how real they might seem--Josh Dallas on ABC's "Once Upon a Time" has certainly helped make Prince Charming come alive =D), that doesn't mean girls don't dream of finding such a guy some day. I have a Pinterest board with eighty some-odd pins, ideas for dresses, color schemes, flowers, and photography poses that I will look to for inspiration when the time comes. The picture on the left is on the images that I would love to see in my own wedding photo album someday, lace dress and all.

However, there are days in which marriage seems like a far off possibility. Most days I do okay with it--being single. I truly believe that God told me that I was going to be married someday. He didn't tell me who; He didn't tell me when. He just told me that simple truth and so I'm sticking to it. I cling to it and in the mean time, I have a group of single girlfriends who are in the exact same boat as I am. We're all in this together....

But that doesn't mean it is easy. Some days are harder than others and usually, those are the days in which I inflict the "pain" on myself. It's the days in which I feel twinges when I hear about old friends, younger than I am, getting engaged. I have no contact with them, but by very circuitous routes, I find things out...and they always cause me to ask the question: will it really be me someday?


In today's society, marriage has been watered down to one of two things. Either people view it as a checklist item, something that is expected. Or people view marriage as an antiquated notion going out of style and therefore has no business being desired. As women, we are "expected" to believe that is we want marriage, that all of a sudden means we want to be barefoot in the kitchen with no thoughts of our own and a baby in each arm. That isn't what marriage is. At least, not how I see it.

Marriage is a beautiful thing and yes, it is something that I long for and look forward to. When  the time is right. I'm not going to have to settle for second best, despite how modern culture seeks to sway my opinion in the opposite direction. I saw the following pin on Pinterest the other day and I thought it was quite true (minus the little, albeit glaring, mistakes in grammar.) God is saving me for someone special--just like He is doing for you.

So if you have been like me, and had one or two sighs or ponderings of late, rest assured in the truth that God has extended to me: your time will come! And when the time comes, your actual wedding day will look even better than all of your Pinterest imaginings....and they might be pretty great to start out with =D

Still Very Much Belle

The innocence of youth is a precious thing. Life is much simpler, colors are brighter, everything is seen through rose color glasses. No one has an angle, "happily ever after" is very real to them--in fact, nothing ends in a manner that isn't happy and in one piece.

But as we get older, the innocence fades. In its place, cynicism takes root. Where we once saw only the rose, we now see the thorn. Because of past hurts, we have a tendency to view every new acquaintance as having an angle or some ulterior motive. It is harder to see the good in situations. Suffice it to say, the fairy tales we used to love are no longer accepted with blind faith; instead, we analyze, explain away, and doubt their existence. After all, they were only fiction and we know that non-fiction is what constitutes life.

News and media speak volumes and add to those truths. We hear tales of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Mark Sanford cheating on their wives. Rape and sexual abuse rates are through the roof. The family unit is a dwindling occurrence in present society.....frankly, the boy meets girl, boys fights for girl no matter the cost, boy and girl live happily ever.....it is a dying breed. This young woman, who is a self described hopeless romantic, even has her moments of doubt sometimes.

And then, I watched Beastly. I discovered that despite everything the world might tell me about romance, I am still very much Belle (or Lindy, if you are talking the movie I just watched). I do still believe that there is a prince out there for me, perhaps hidden right now in a form that I do not notice. I do still trust that he will care about me more than he does about himself, that I will build him up, and that no "spell" can keep us apart if it is what God wills.

Belle/Lindy was a girl who did have some naivety, at least some could have interpreted it that way. I like to think of Belle as a girl who looked beyond appearances and saw the true heart of a person. She believed that the heart and character could be disguised in a beastly looking exterior...and when focusing on that, it made the other look like George Clooney. =) I would like to hope that I am someone who still believes in people, that they aren't as evil and self-centered as we have come to expect.

So, while the world might tell me that pure and happy love stories can only be found in books, I am going to believe in my Lord--who is bigger and and of more infinite powerful than mere humans--can and will give me my own fairy tale. No, it isn't going to be perfect; even Beauty and the Beast isn't perfect when you think of it. However, love doesn't only have to be associated with the words: cheating, divorce, friends with benefits, etc. With God, there is still good; the glass is always half full in his eyes.

I guess I still have some innocence. I still do believe in happily ever after. After all, I am still very much Belle....and I pray I always stay that way.