Absolute Contentment

When one is in the midst of wedding planning with one of your closest friends, one is apt to do a lot of thinking. You think about bridesmaid dresses--and whether or not you really like the one the bride picked. You encourage her about finding a venue and you hit "like" when her engagement photos are up on Facebook. You put her first name with her fiancee's last name and you realize just how perfectly it all fits together. You find yourself praising the Lord for writing such a beautiful love story for your dear friend.....and all of a sudden, you are made aware that there is not a bit of envy in your heart.

My social network sites have found so many people in my life--both current as well as removed--entering into either relationships or marriage. It has made me so very happy to see, especially where some are concerned. I'm a hopeless romantic; I always have been and I always will be. I'm the girl who gets giddy when my movies end in kissing scenes (I'm serious--who cares if it is "Wives and Daughters" and "Downton Abbey" or "The Wedding Planner"--they still make me sigh). I'm the girl who "ships" character pairings on my favorite TV shows. I love looking at engagement photos and my Pinterest board is up to 160 pins. I have so many ideas and the six different wedding shows I watch don't help in keeping that number low.

So, when I say that I am surprised by how I am not in the least bit envious of my friend who, in January, will be marrying her Prince Charming, trust me, I take myself by surprise. I was the girl who up until recently possessed a list of all the things my husband *had* to be. Several were important (and ones that still matter to me)....others were, frankly, either legalistic and/or stupid. I was the girl who thought marriage was my "be all, end all" and that my life wouldn't start until my name was joined with some other guy. But right now, I am filled with contentment for life as it stands right now. I have such a peace that passes all understanding--one that comes from Christ and Him alone.

Don't get me wrong, I am hopeful for the day when I have my own wedding planning to do. I look forward to taking pictures like the ones I see on Pinterest. And I look forward to having a mashed potato bar at my reception......but for now, I'm to be that lady in waiting. I don't just sit by, though, doing nothing, pining away in a corner. I work. I write. I do my college studies. I work with little kiddos at church. I try to become the sister, the daughter, the friend that Christ wants me to be. It's my full time job right now.

I know that my future husband is, hopefully, in much the same boat that I am. And so, I pray for him every day. He is very much a part of my life. But I don't just pray for him--I pray for all of my single friend's spouses. We are all in this together after all! And we all have a choice about how we handle these "single years" (as much as I dislike the term, due to its tendency for over-usage, it is what these years are called.) I can either sit around and be unhappy about not sending wedding invitations....or I can trust in what the Lord told me about one day getting my turn and instead, I can focus on other people's happiness. One day and only God knows when I will share with my future husband the letters I have written to Him....and it will be at the best time. Which isn't now.

The twinges do come as the inevitably will. But currently, I have not had one of my despairing meltdowns where all I want are tissues and ice cream in which to drown my sorrows.(Yes, I do have those.) God has, for the time being, taken those tendencies away. I'm immensely thankful to Him for that! So thankful. I never thought I would be going through this time without tears and thinking about myself. I thought that whenever the time would come, I would be wanting my wedding even more than my friend's. I thought I would be jealous. But I'm not.

So I write this for all who are might mind themselves in much the same boat as I am. You're not alone. I understand what you are going through--this single stuff. It can be painful. It can be messy. It can be rewarding. It is a constant challenge between contentment and self-pity. It definitely sums up "life", doesn't it? I'm just thankful knowing that I serve a God who blesses us in ways we never thought we could be open to....and that there are others out there who walk the same road.

Your Prince Charming is out there--somewhere. Believe it! =)