Just Enough Strength To Live For Today

It was one of those days. Days in which nothing had gone the way I had wanted it to:

*I wasn't able to begin my day in the Word
*I had had a long, exasperating day at work--with more things going wrong than right
*My favorite football player had been cut from his team
*Misunderstandings and false assumptions with dear friends
*My football team played pathetically--and lost--their opening game of the season

By the end of the night, I was worn out and fried. I just wanted to go back in time, hit the rewind button (even going back 48 hours), and have a do over. I would love nothing more than to fix the things I could...or warn others about outcomes so they could fix them.

Sadly, I couldn't. I was reminded anew of how finite, how human, I am. I was reminded that I do not have things all together. Things still get under my skin and rub me the wrong way. Clearly I still have control freak perfectionist tendencies in me.


As is customary, the Lord got my attention. He reminded me of my favorite verse, 2 Corinthian 12:9. His grace was going to get me through days such as these. Even the little stupid things like my football team losing.....God doesn't want me dwelling on it. He wants me picking up the pieces of where I have messed up--He wants me moving on from the other things--and just letting go. It is in my weaknesses, in my human frailties, that I am reminded of just how awesome and great and mighty He is.

Ask anyone close to me and they will tell you something. I have a tendency to dwell on what I have done wrong. I'm also a glass half empty person nearly seventy-five percent of the time....so I will always think someone resents me, the bad day will repeat itself, etc. etc.

And that is where reminder number 2 came in. I had been singing a particular song from Vacation Bible School all day. One that my little kiddos would sing as they went from station to station. I had no idea why I was singing it....until I listened to the lyrics. The chorus about just enough strength to live for today. I'll never have to worry what tomorrow will bring. My faith is on the solid rock; I'm counting on God.....it hit me. I DO NOT have to worry about if I will screw up tomorrow, because my God has redeemed my tomorrows. He only wants me to make it through the day I am living in. That is all.

I don't need to be perfect (even though I can think I have to.) I am allowed to have days where I feel as if nothing has gone right. I can screw up without meaning to, sometimes to a point seemingly beyond repair.....but God still loves me. Nothing is too problematic for Him.

So yeah, this day in question stunk. Majorly stunk like Limburger cheese or durian fruit. But that is today. I've lived it. I've gotten through it.......

And tomorrow will be better. I am counting on God to have it be so. He won't let me down.

May you count on God today!

Trusting Him More

Heavenly Father,

my prayer is that I would learn to trust You more.

It's such a comfort to know that my life is in Your hands,

and the circumstances surrounding me are in Your

control. Remind me daily that choosing to be happy is

an option. May I find strength in Your joy.

Amen.

--Kim Boyce--

When I try to look ahead into my future, I find myself overwhelmed by the uncertainty of it all. Do I go for an English Major? Or pursue Culinary School? Or do I not do anything? Does the Lord have marriage in my future? If so, who is it and when is it? Or am I to remain single? If so, what am I to do? Will my family get to adopt? Or is just going to be my brother and myself? Does the Lord intend for my family to move anymore?.......even know, the answers, or rather, lack thereof, boggle my mind.

I need to remember that I don't have to know the answers. God will open the doors that He wants opened in His own good time. For it certainly is that--it is good and right and the only way. What he wants of me, in the meantime, is to put my strength in Him, to kneel at the cross and say, "Father, You be the mover and shaker. You hold my tomorrows in the palm of Your hand. You know the plans You have for me, plans that are good and not harmful, plans that will give me a hope and a future. Help me to trust in that with every breath within me."

I hope you will find your source of strength in Him this week.

Thanking God

I wanted to thank you all for the prayers and well wishes regarding Ginger. It was a very rough weekend for my family, one that we did not expect at all. And honestly, we had a different outcome than the one I had anticipated. I really believed we would have a dead puppy; whereas now she is alive and well, albeit taking it easy.

This past year has been one of great difficulty and tribulation. I don't feel like it is the place to give all of the reasons I feel this way, but suffice it to say, 2009 has been a year of growth and testing. It has been a year of learning how (and not always succeeding) to find rainbows in the midst of thunderstorms.

In the past month, I think God has been wanting me to learn that life is in His hands. I was so afraid to fly to Pittsburgh a month ago (can it really be that long already?!) I didn't trust as readily as I should have in the knowledge that God can protect me just as well at 35,000 feet as he can on the ground. With Ginger, I didn't trust that He can be a Great Physician to a dog as well as to people, that just because I can't help her doesn't mean He can't.

How thankful I am that my Father continues to shower me with grace as I learn more about Himself.

Power of Prayer

Twenty-four hours before I left home, I felt like chickening out of visiting my friend. I didn't think Meghan was worth being brave about. I wanted to stay in my own little world, in relative safety and familiarity... forget about adventuring in the Great Unknown. Deep down, I knew I would have to "suck it up" but I didn't want to.

Wednesday morning dawned after a rough night of sleep, a night spent with a lot of crying and, of course, a vivid imagination. I got up and did everything I needed to do and we departed for the airport. I made Mom promise not to cry until after I left and couldn't see her anymore. I am so happy to say that she did that!

Starting from the beginning, God was right there as I departed and "tested my wings." I had had this dream of meeting one of our local network personalities. And golly, that happened. He was right in front of me as I went through securtity (acting much more sure of myself than I really was) and we talked a bit as we waited for our flight. That helped me get my mind on other subjects and not on that airplane.

But I could only talk with him for so long. I had to get on my flight and with a deep breath, I did. I closed my eyes and prayed and prayed and prayed. I got through takeoff and landing; I even got to Chicago even a bit earlier than anticipated. God knew that I didn't want my flight to be on the opposite side of the airport....and it wasn't. I even made the decision to walk a ways by myself to find something eat (which, incidently, I have learned that I don't really need to eat after I fly. My tummy doesn't feel good =)

What was more amazing to me was the flight from Chicago to Pittsburgh. I don't know why that flight so much, since both of them were fine and with very little turbulence. But during that flight, I really felt you all praying for me. I totally felt like my plane really was hemmed in all sides that, that I was surrounded by the Lord and his angels. I know that might sound weird, but it is SO true.

God knows infintely more than I do. He knew that I would be alright and that ALL would be alright. Once again, I was left in awe of the power of prayer....and the extra grace He bestows when I doubt it all over again.

Pour Out Your Heart

We all have something that helps us express ourselves. For some, our heart comes out through musical instruments. Others show love and care via hand sewn garments. For my brother, you can see what his interests are by the effort he puts into his wood products. For me, one of the ways I pour out my heart is by writing.

I can tell what my emotions are based on what I write about. When something has aggravated me, my writing takes on a passionate, sometimes argumentative, tone. When I am happy, my writing is carefree and light. But regardless of what I am feeling, I have it stashed away (either in notebooks or here on the blog) where I can look back, remember, and see if anything has changed.

My favorite way to do this is by my prayer journal. I have taken to writing down one specific prayer request or struggle for a couple of years now. When I do it, I feel so refreshed. It is one of the ways that I pray and pour my heart out to God. Then, later on, I find that the years haven't changed much; names and dates might be different, but the same issues can still be there.

Of late, I have been writing so much more in my journal. The pages can have tear stains; my struggles are there in black and white....or rather blue. I am open and vulnerable in those pages. I express my fears and doubts, as well as my praises and joys. I have several Psalms written in there; David's questions can be exactly my own. No one sees my journal except me and the Lord. I have nothing to hide; my parents know my issues just as well as I do. Only how I word things is between me and the Father. I record my anger, my frustration, my awe at His grace and majesty....and it is so wonderful to know that He reads as well as hears my prayers.

Also lately, I have found just how much release can be found when I stand broken before God. Through the times of writing in my journal, I have been reminded of just how great He is. And I will have these entries for years to come. I would encourage you all to do something that enables you to pour out your heart from our Wonderful Merciful Savior. We all are different; He isn't. We all have different struggles; the result will be the same.

Do you keep a prayer journal?
What is your way of pouring out your heart to God?
What is one thing that He is teaching You...if you want to share it?

Eyes on the Lion

The literary world is one of my favorite places to step into. I never know what I will find when I travel into Jane Austen’s Regency England, or Martha Finley’s Civil War Era, or Nathaniel Hawthorne’s Early America. Oftentimes, I learn historic tidbits I never knew; I cry when they cry; I feel happy when they are happy; I am transported into realms of days gone by. Yet, when I step into the world of C.S. Lewis’s Narnia, I find that I am challenged and encouraged in my Christian walk.

Aslan is my favorite of all the Narnian characters—probably because he is the allegorical form of Christ. Any time Aslan opens his mouth, I can picture the Lord saying the same thing, whether it be in word or on paper. Upon completing Prince Caspian, I discovered the lesson I was to be reminded of through Aslan and the adventures of Peter, Susan, Edmund, and Lucy…and at my particular point, Trumpkin was there too.

You probably know the story already; I am far behind most when it comes to Narnia. The Pevensies’ have been taken back into Narnia to help Prince Caspian regain his throne from his evil uncle, Miraz. Trumpkin has been sent to get the children back to the Stone Table and the five of them have gotten lost.

“Look, the Lion!” Lucy cried, “Aslan himself. Didn’t you see?” Her face had completely changed and her eyes shone.
“Where, Lu?” asked Peter.
“Right up between those mountain ashes. No, this side of the gorge. And up, not down. Just the opposite of the way you want to go. And he wanted us to go where he was—up there.”
“How do you know that was what he wanted?” asked Edmund.
“He—I—I just know,” said Lucy, “by his face.”
The others all looked at each other in puzzled silence.

After a vote of 3-2, the children and Trumpkin head in the original way of their plans…and the opposite of Aslan’s. Lucy was unhappy about the whole thing, but she went along. By going the way they did, our Narnian friends encountered a band of Miraz’s men. They were fortunate enough not to be killed.

Lucy has just met with Aslan… “Yes, wasn’t it a shame?” said Lucy. “I saw you all right. They wouldn’t believe me. They’re all so—
From somewhere deep inside Aslan’s body there came the faintest suggestion of a growl.
“I’m sorry,” said Lucy, who understood some of his moods. “I didn’t mean to start slanging the others. But it wasn’t my fault anyway, was it?”
The Lion looked straight into her eyes.
“Oh Aslan,” said Lucy. You don’t mean it was? How could I—I couldn’t have left the others and come up with you alone, how could I? Don’t look at me like that…oh well, I suppose I could. Yes, and it wouldn’t have been alone, I know, not if I was with you.”

Aslan then tells Lucy that she must get the others to follow her again this time. He will go with them, though he will be invisible to all save herself for the present. It takes some doing, but after the encounter they have already had, Peter, Susan, Edmund, and Trumpkin go with her.

“And so at last they got on the move. Lucy went first, biting her lip and trying not to say all the things she thought of saying to Susan. But she forgot them when she fixed her eyes on Aslan. He turned and walked at a slow pace about thirty yards ahead of them. The other’s only had Lucy’s directions to guide them, for Aslan was not only invisible to them, he was silent as well.
He led them to the right of the dancing trees—whether they were still dancing nobody knew, for Lucy had her eyes on the Lion and the rest had their eyes on Lucy—and nearer the edge of the gorge.
For a long way Aslan went along the top of the precipices. Then they came to a place where some little trees grew right on the edge. He turned and disappeared among them. Lucy held her breath, for it looked as if he had plunged over the cliff; but she was too busy in sight to stop and think about this. She quickened her pace and was soon among the trees herself. Looking down, she could see a steep and narrow path going slantwise down into the gorge between rocks, and Aslan descending it. He turned and looked at her with his happy eyes. Lucy clapped her hands and began to scramble down after him. From, behind her she heard the voices of the others shouting “Hi! Lucy! Look out, for goodness sake. You’re right on the edge of the gorge. Come back—“ and then, a moment later, Edmund’s voice saying, “No, she’s right. There is a way down….

Aslan without hesitation led them to their left, farther up the gorge. The whole journey was odd and dream-like—the roaring stream, the wet gray grass, the glimmering cliffs which they were approaching, and always the glorious silently pacing Beast ahead. Everyone except Susan and Trumpkin could see him now.
Presently they came to another steep path, up the face of the farther precipices. These were far higher than the ones they had just descended, and the journey up them was a long and tedious zigzag. Fortunately the Moon shone right above the gorge so that neither side was in shadow.
Lucy was nearly blown when the hind legs and tail of Aslan disappeared over the top: but with one final effort she scrambled after him and came out, rather shaky-legged and breathless, on the hill they had been trying to reach ever since they left Glasswater. The long gentle slope stretched up to where it vanished in a glimmer of trees about a half mile away. She knew it. It was the hill of the Stone Table.

I don’t know about you, but for me, life can seem like walking up and down those narrow precipices. You have no idea if the way you are going is the right way; your flesh says everything is illogical about the present course. And yet, our Aslan, Christ, wants us to walk it. He wants our eyes to be like those of Lucy’s—fixed on the Lion.

When our eyes are on the Lion, we don’t see the impossibility, the danger, the loneliness of the path he wants us to be on. We only see Him. And by keeping our eyes on Him, we will get to our ultimate destination. It isn’t without the trials and dangers (zigzagging across precipices doesn’t sound safe) but it is a whole lot better of a course than the one we would choose for ourselves. Peter, Susan, Edmund, Lucy, and Trumpkin discovered that.

It isn’t easy to keep our eyes on “Aslan.” Trumpkin didn’t believe its existence; Susan was afraid. But a childlike faith like Lucy’s is all we need. I want to encourage you through this passage of Prince Caspian to keep on walking down the narrow passages in your life. Keep your eyes on the Lion from the Tribe of Judah; in Him is security, peace, protection, and the knowledge that He will see us through what looks improbable to the human eye.

Trusting in the Midst of Disappointment

Having dreams are a wonderful thing. Provided we don't let them consume us, they can be such blessings. It is even better when dreams come true. We are shocked, excited....we praise the Lord. But then, there are the times when dreams appear to come true...only to have it be not right now.

The past 72 hours have been such for me. For quite a while, I was entertaining a strong probability of going down to Alabama to meet my dear friends, Anna and Miriam. In my family, when one doesn't get an outright "no," you really get excited! So, it was basically decided that my mother and I were going to fly down there, spend time with them, and do some sightseeing in the South. All of today was spent looking at plane fare, hotels, car rentals, etc.

Doing so made things not so probable after all. In fact, things became a "no go." Costs seemed to get higher and higher (every time you hit a button), dates didn't compute with our schedule...and the clock struck midnight; my coach turned into a pumpkin.

But believe it or not, I am not crying. I am GREATLY disappointed!! To finally have met two of my close e-friends would have been incredible. However, the Lord has given me a sense of peace that can only have come from Him. I firmly believe that I shall meet these two (and my other "sisters") one day. I can't say when; I have learned that God's timetable and mine aren't the same.

Things like friendships, desires for marriages and babies....all of it is of God. They are talked about in the Bible often enough! Therefore, I believe they are more likely than not to be accomplished. The Lord gives us desires and sometimes a yellow light...but that doesn't mean it will never turn green. For now, a red light is what I have regarding Alabama. Yet like with driving around town, it doesn't stay that forever! He calls us to trust, though. It is easier to give up and say, "yeah right, it's always going to stay red." But it isn't what I want to do;I don't want to have a defeatist attitude. That gives Satan the victory.

I hope that in the midst of whatever disappointment you are facing, you trust the Lord. He makes a way where there seems to be no way!

The Little Things Taken For Granted

It is often said that one never realizes what they have until it is taken away. I know how true that is, but this week, I was reminded of that even more. For......I got sick!

Sickness comes to each of us. It isn't unusual. A person is bound to get a lot of colds, sore throats, headaches, etc. in their lifetime. But for the record, I detest being sick. When you feel like you are swallowing golf balls and life would be so much easier if your head was chopped off, things are terrible! The past few days have been such for me. I have been drinking a lot of water (in the effort of trying to get rid of the golf ball); handkerchief #4 is at my side. And while I am definitely on the mend when you compare me to Friday and Saturday, I am not where I should or want to be.

Being healthy is something I can take for granted far too often. We don't seem to make a big deal about not having hankies and being able to see clearly.....instead of eyes watering to the point you can't do anything but watch TV. I really noticed this time just how much I depend on a clear mind, eyes, and nose. I love to read aloud; that becomes next to impossible with sore throats. I want to be in the kitchen....but I can't spread my germs to the others, so I don't. My writing schedule is next to impossible; how can one concentrate on writing about this when one's mind is in a fog.

It is like my other posts. Just as I make a big deal about the "big hard things" and neglect the "gaffers and costume runners." so I do the same thing with the blessings God has given me. I remember when I broke my arm back in 2000. I didn't realize just how important my right arm was until it was in a cast for 3 months (and I had to learn to write left-handed.) Needless to say, the seeming expected things can quickly be snatched away. Things like walking, seeing, talking, hearing, experiencing spring, etc.

I hope you all don't take for granted the little things this week. I certainly shall do my best not to do so! And someone read a book aloud for me please! my voice isn't quite ready for that yet!

Blessed Beyond Measure

I want to thank you all for this past week. I have felt extremely blessed with all the sweet comments, letters, phone calls, and packages in celebrating my birthday. God clearly has given some wonderful people in my life--and I cannot praise Him enough.

Also this week, I have discovered a peace that TRULY passes all understanding. I cannot even begin to describe it; indeed, it is what it is. It goes back to my church situation. Right now, the church we have been trying wouldn't be called my "home," but I have been fed and encouraged these past two weeks. I have found myself weeping and saying, "How Great is My God!"

Things aren't instantly better. I feel sad at times, confused at times, even bitter at how the whole past came about at times. But you know, I once more recognize the Awesome God I serve; I am reminded ever more of His Great Faithfulness. These "hard things" in my life are NOT what I would choose, yet nor would I choose to be without them either.

I have felt like singing these past few days. For "how can I keep from singing His praise. I want to sing in the troubled times; I want to sing when I win. I want to sing when I lose my steps and come to Him in prayer. I can sing, because He hears me. I know I am loved by the King and it makes my heart want to sing."

More than ever, I see the beauty in leaving a situation in God's hands. When I turn my problems over to Him (whether they be about friends, church, life in general) I have to be prepared to stand amazed...because that is just what I will be. May you all be too!

Never Above Reproach

Reading....it is a favorite pastime of mine. It transports me to bygone eras; it teaches me new facts or unearths ones I had never known before. I try to read different genres, thus opening up many doors of knowledge and not just one.

One such area I have tried recently is biographies. I read about Rev. Peter Marshall, and I was absolutely fascinated by what I read. So, I decided to get some books from the library about a few of my favorite "old" actors and actresses. (Humphrey Bogart, Michael Landon, Audrey Hepburn, etc.) I got this with a certain sense of naivety. Of course we have the Brittany Spears, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolies, and all the others that stare at us from supermarket tabloids--as if we are interested in who is dating whom, who has who's baby--certainly my favorites aren't like that!

May I just advise keeping your simple wishful thinking and NOT wreck it. My love of reading has unearthed stories of multiple marriages, extra-marital affairs, heaving drinking and smoking...things I wish I hadn't known! I thought highly of them (in a simple sort of way) and that has come crashing down. No one is perfect; sometimes, it just takes pleasure reading to remind us of that!

Never should we put people on pedestals, regardless of how "high" it is. When we do, we find that those fellow human beings are no different than we are. In fact, perhaps slightly more "messed up." We find that these famous people take many paths that they believe will make them happy, and in the end, they are more worse off than they were before.

We who have successful families and relationships with the Lord should take heart. Okay, we might not have the looks, the big bucks, the seemingly perfect lifestyle. We have things that money cannot buy; that makes us richer than they will ever be!

Cutting Away My Vanity....Literally!!

We all have experienced it at least once; for me, it is twice now. I have an appointment to keep, yet when it’s over, I wish nothing more than to have skipped the whole thing. I feel like putting a bag on my head. That’s right…it’s called a bad hair cut.

Right now, I am living with mine…and I only got it cut Saturday. You see, I wear my hair in a style. I will admit it, I do not care for the stick straight hair that the Lord blessed me with. So, I get it to flip up, with a little help from a curling iron. Usually, I love it, and I can go about 5 months without worrying about it. Well, I will just say that that didn’t happen this time. My hair is about 4 inches shorter than I want it (!!!) and it will not hold the curl like it’s supposed to! Over the past two days, I have joked that my hair appointment was like the scene in Roman Holiday. (Audrey Hepburn is getting her hair cut....yet her hair dresser wackes it off in quick motions as he says, "Off!")

I do not believe I am a vain person. I mean, I love it when my hair works out, but that is as far as it goes. However, whatever semblance of vanity I did have is currently gone at the moment. I used to look at my reflection a lot (I have ever since I was little) but now, I can't stand to even get a glimpse of my shadow. With my hair looking a shorn sheep (I am not kidding) I realize all the more that beauty comes from inside a person. Just like with make-up, you can’t get your hair to disguise who you are inside. In times like these, we need our interior to shine forth and say to people, “I know my hair looks terrible, which in turn makes me look terrible. However, there is more to me than that. I know actresses always seem to look pretty with their hair in place. Just remember…they were at a photo shot or some gala party when that picture was taken; of course they want to look their best when they are in the public eye. We have no idea what they look like the rest of the time.”

Now, I do not know how I can handle my hair until it grows out a few inches. And believe it or not, I will still get my hair “styled” every few months...I think! =) (I won’t go back to that hair dresser I am sure of THAT.) Yet I will not say that I haven’t learned something through this hair fiasco. I realize that there is more to beauty than have “the best hair.” Once more, it is the interior beauty of a person’s life that matters!

Draw Me Close to You

"Draw me close to you

Never let me go

I lay it all down again

To hear You say that I'm Your friend

Help me find the way--bring me back to You

You're all I want
You're all I've ever needed
You're all I want
Help me know you are near"

2008 is upon us now. I look ahead to the forthcoming year. Yes, there are things that I am joyfully anticipating. I will get to vote for the first time; Lord willing, I will get to meet at least two of my online friends; there are the times with family where many memories are created....the list can go on and on.

However, it isn't just fun things that will await me in 2008. I can see there is much uncertainty. I will graduate from high school--and I won't attend college. I know that I will have much debate with several of those closest to me. Also, my family will begin searching for a church body again. Indeed, that hunt is on Sunday =

I struggle with this feeling every year....maybe every day. I so long to know the answers to my many questions. Where will we get situated for church? And when? How will Nana and PopPop respond when they talk about college and they find out my plans to remain home? Will my relationship with them be changed?

Yet, once again, I want the Lord to be seeing me through the twists and turns of my life's path. I want to feel His nearness as I live my life; I desire the Lord to hold my hand when I can't go on. I can't do it on my own; I can tell you that right now. I don't think I even want to try. My flesh wants to do without the Lord. My spirit wants me to draw close to Him whose love will comfort. I desire to live up to this blog's title: "Truly, how GREAT is HIS faithfulness."

2008 will be different for each and every one of us. Yet my journey isn't more important than yours. However, our prayer should be the same. "Draw me close to you....never let me go. You are the potter; I am the clay. Mold me and make me into the person you have for me to be. Turn my uncertainty into trust, unquestionable, undeniable, trust."

Off With the Old, On With the New

Today, my mother and I are taking down our Christmas tree. We shall not see it again until December of 2008. Also today, we are putting the curtain on 2007. Unlike the tree, this year will never be brought back. It is in the past forever. However, as I put it away, I would like to remember what I have experienced this year.



January~~The first month of the year found me celebrating much. I wrote about my parents' birthdays, the Broncos winning the Fiesta Bowl, and ushering in a new 2007 with my family and friends at Fellowship Baptist Church.



February~~I began learning lessons. As I grew one year older, I also grew in playing the piano for the Lord. Even though I still came out with a superior, God used my piano festival to strip aside some areas of pride. I had to content myself with something less....and be okay with it.



March~~Spring came, and with it, the reminder of newness. God reminded me that yes, winter comes, but not forever. Now, I look and see God's absolute sovereignty. He was preparing me for what lay ahead.



April~~I will say that 2007 with the year of lessons learned. I did the eventful hike to Soldier's Cap where I learned much. My dog, Nikki, had some seizures, and I went through some periods of doubting and confusion. Yet with it all, God was faithful! That was clearly evident with what Good Friday meant to me that year.



May~~I didn't post that much in May. Yet I did post about the Lord's protection as we were camping. (Oh, that was a trip I won't soon forget!)



June~~I began to experience my period of winter. Around the time I cleaned my closet, removing that which I had outgrown, God removed something I hadn't outgrown: my church family.



July~~In July, I began new things. I began cutting Dad's hair. I started my posts on femininity over feminism. And I began new horizons in regards to my writing. (Uncle Scott came for a visit too!)



August~~Thus began a difficult month. No longer having Fellowship Baptist Church in my life wounded me deeply. Yet I learned much about Christ's faithfulness. I also recognized that this difficult trial would only bring me closer to my loving Lord and His plan for me. Yet in the midst of pain, I had enjoyment. (With Dad and attending the fair.)



September~~ My family went away to Oregon and California on vacation. What a lovely time we had. After I returned, the Lord taught me more I needed to know. He showed me what a good friend I have several states away. He taught me that "doing hard things" is exactly what it is: HARD. God also taught me not to awaken love until the time was right.



October~~Family times mostly. Garrett and I created memories. And our entire family had fun times eating together ;-)



November~~I became very rebelutionary. I chronicled my views on teens and politics, teens and families, purity, and gave thanks to God. I also took in a Bronco game with Dad.

December~~Christmas came. I began my posts A Modest Carol. (Which will be finished in January. I do not think you or Mr. Dickens will mind!) And with December, I finish 2007. It was a good year. I cannot wait to see what God has in store for 2008. I pray that He will grow each and every one of us into who He has for us to be!

"Do Not Awaken Love"

"Promise me, O women of Jerusalem, by the swift gazelles and the deers of the wild, not to awaken love until the time is right."(Song of Songs 2:7 NLT)

A few days ago, I read this verse on Rebekah's Blog, as a part of her daily Bible verse. I have to be honest, this verse got me to thinking...a lot! I pondered how absolutely vital living this verse out is.

Lately, I have been reading a lot about weddings. Natalie at YLCF, Alice's sister, Naomi, Genevieve from Isaacharian Daughters. I think these are the three I can think of off the top of my head. Now, I am absolutely happy for them. They have waited for their turn to say those wonderful words and start families of their own. I find weddings to be one of the best occasions on earth...and it can be HARD not to start imagining our own. You all probably know the feeling: the colors, the bridesmaids, the music, and (dare I admit it) wondering who the groom is.

Now, we all know these thoughts are wrong, particularly the last one. We know that we need to be not only physically pure, but emotionally as well. All of us recognize that for most of us, we have some years of singleness ahead. And that "Unless she has been asked to marry him, why would a sensible woman promise any man her exclusive attention?" (Elisabeth Elliot, yet I read it in I Kissed Dating Good-Bye) is very sound advice.

I wanted to write this post to be honest once again. I do struggle with my mind sometimes. As I find highschool nearing its completion, I wonder if my husband is around the corner. For the record, I am not going to stop creating my list of essential qualities, or reading beautiful courtships stories that bring God glory, or even praying for the man who will come in my life. And yes, I will still watch my favorite movies. However, I want to have accountability with all of you. I want us all to be praying about this area in each other's life. Not awakening love is Biblical, and I want to follow what He says. Sure, it isn't going to be easy, and it might mean taking some measures, but I want my husband not only to have my purity in body, but in my mind as well. Do you desire the same thing as well? Let us give our husbands a wonderful gift on our wedding day...or would it be our courtship? Let us give them a heart that has been touched only by God and our earthly father, and not many men. Let us not awaken love until the time is right.

Do Hard Things...But Fair Warning, It Isn't Always Easy:-)

Around Valentine's Day, I discovered The Rebelution. While I went looking for the modesty survey, I also found the blog in the process. Needless to say, it has been such a blessing to me. It has motivated me...and convicted me. Particularly, they encourage me to "do hard things."

Now, that means something different for each and every individual. For me, it is going against the typical lifestyle that people my age follow. However, of late, "doing hard things" has been just that; it has been hard. On Sunday, we listened to a sermon from R.C. Sproul Jr. He talked about trials in his life (with his daughter and his wife's illnesses) and wondering, "Lord, all this was in the contract when I signed on with you?"

I have felt that way the past two days. I have seen myself as the only homeschooling, modestly dressed, not dating or attending college girl in the entire Pacific Northwest. When thinking of my future graduation, I feel very low. Due to the way I have chosen to live, I won't have many people at my ceremony...and that is sad. Graduations are supposed to be happy affairs, right? At any rate, I have felt like Mr. Sproul. I have had my share of tears. "When is enough enough, Lord? I didn't know that my teenage years where going to be like this:-) I can't do the hard things all alone much more."

However, last night, as I was trying to fall asleep, God reminded me of things that I have written on this blog. I have asked Him to "Bring the Rain" if that is what it takes to be like Him. Magazine articles have talked about "Beauty in Life's Mountains" All of it is worthless if I do not live it out myself. I WANT to "do hard things," regardless of the cost or pain that it will inflict upon me....."Yet you do not have to do it alone, My Daughter. My grace is sufficient for you. My strength is all you need. I know the promises I have for you, and they DO include a future and a hope. Cling to Me when you falter, and I will lift you up on wings like eagles. Even though you are human, I don't want you to stop the hard things. Sure, it is hard, the name suggests that, but I WILL see you through. Continue on with walking the straight and narrow; you are not alone. Do the hard things, Ella. It is okay to be separate: remember that!"

Thank you, Father...thank you!

Growing and Changing

It is Sunday, September 02, 2007. As I sit here in the backseat, I stand amazed at God’s beauty, His majesty, and ultimately His grace. Perhaps listening to 4Him hymns has added this “feeling,” this “knowledge,” to my unworthy mind.


We aren’t in California yet; I think we have another 3 hours to go. Yet while the Redwoods are our destination, I must say that I love Oregon! Living in Boise, where trees, dense trees, are few in far between, I am enjoying pine trees on both sides of the interstate, pine trees on the mountains…you get the picture…I hope! I guess the love of green is still deep within me. After all, I lived in the South for ten years, and that is definitely lush.

I marvel at the variety we have here in the United States. Southern Idaho is desert, yet only a few hours away, are firs, pines, and junipers. The Southeast is filled with cypress, azalea, and dogwood, while the Southwest has cacti. North Carolina and Tennessee are renowned for the Smoky Mountains, but across the state line in Kentucky, you have horse pastures galore. Nebraska and the Great Plains are flat, yet wheat and corn fields are everywhere there. Truly, we live in a very diverse world. (Both landscape and people wise, I guess.)

Honestly, I cannot believe that the Lord has allowed me to see the wonders of his creation. I certainly do not deserve it; my sin is ugly to me, it has to be to Him. Yet God’s mercies are new every morning. He enables me to see another day. He has also allowed me to live in a beautiful, free nation. Unlike the Soviet Union with its citizens, I have the ability to travel and see new places. I can experience the Sequoias (the big trees we are going to see) the ocean, and a new state all at the same time. I am so thankful to God that I can see, touch, smell, and hear these beauties.

Perhaps God is also growing me. I am slowly, painfully, learning that I don’t know what my future holds. I have seen that with my church situations, but what if God does have moving in my future? I don’t really want to think of moving from Boise; even with all its failings, it is my home. However, maybe, just maybe, moving is the next step that I am to take along my life’s road. As I do not hold the script, I don’t know what will happen if I do move. I do know that God’s way is better than Ella’s way. (I just don’t always remember that:-) If I am completely truthful with myself, I would say that I would not mind living in Oregon. Okay, it is way more Liberal than I like, but I do find it beautiful. (Way too expensive though)

I seem to be rambling. I guess God is opening my eyes and molding my heart. He knows that I want to live in absolute submission to His will. Perhaps Oregon’s “greenness” is making the first necessary step to my doing that.

Do Not Worry....Easier Said Than Done

“Do not be anxious for anything…” I must admit that I do not always live that verse out. All throughout my life, I have struggled with worry and fear. It used to be really bad. In fact, I recall that when I was younger, I once saw a snippet of a tv show and two girls were in an automobile accident; they were misidentified. For years, I used to think that would happen to either of my parents. Yet as I have grown up, and grown in my faith, bit by bit my fears have gone away. (You all know that certain things in Yellowstone help me with that.)

However, that said, I don’t feel comfortable in isolation. I have heard too many murder and kidnapping stories. My own state had an incident last year. At any rate, our “original” campsite here in the Redwoods was the epitome of isolation…or it was that way to Mom and me. Our spot was at least three miles of the beaten path, in the thick growth, and there wasn’t going to be a ranger or a camp host for the majority of our stay. I did not like that one bit. While I do not want to be in a crowd to the point of claustrophobia, I do like people around me. Mom feels the same way. So, we moved the camper to a more “frequented” campground. I feel much more at ease, and I honestly think the rest of the family feels the same way.



The second campground

Perhaps it appears as if my “worry and fear” got the best of me. Perhaps it did. I will confess that last night it took prayer to get me asleep…and recalling to mid songs that I used to sing at age 5. However, the Lord knows how much I want to continue to gain victory in this area of my life, “the hard things,” so to speak. However, I have seen continual small victories in this way; for fear doesn’t really rule my life anymore. Yes, I do get stressed about situations, and I want to take it into my hands, which you all know :-) Yet, I do give Him all the glory, honor, and praise that He is slowly helping me, refining me, in this area of my life.

I want to hear from ya’ll though. Do any of you struggle with worry or fear? In what form does it take place? And what do you do about it?

Sometimes, Even Vacation Brings About Lessons to Learn

Submission is something that I want to get better in. Lest you think that I have it all together, I want you to be made perfectly aware that I am not. I know that the way I submit now will be the way I submit to me husband…and I do not always act correctly.

I have mentioned that my family has started a woodworking business. And while I like the money that comes from my share of the profits (as I do the books) I don’t like going from woodshop to woodshop. The guys look at exotic woods for what seems to be hours, as Mom and I stay in the car. If I have it right, we have made stops at five wood places, with at least two more planned ones to go.

I will confess that I don’t nearly “do hard things” as often as I want. I am a sinner, who doesn’t always want to be inconvenienced. In fact, I will admit that I can be selfish about it. After all, I don’t go in the wood stores and I don’t care to “shop” as often as we do. It is terrible, but I realize that I want the benefits of the business without all the necessary measures of it.

While Dad never gets angry at me when I make a fuss, I know that he is grieved by my actions. (Mom is too, even though it might bug her some too. She is just more understanding than I am.) However, I grieve myself. I talk on here about submission, but I don’t always practice it myself. For that, I am sorry. I pray that by God’s strength, I will get better at this. I want my husband to get a totally submissive wife! I also need to remember that the “trials,” even ones as mundane as going from wood shop to wood shop, develop character…and I can always use a better one.

Again, I want to know your thoughts. Do you struggle with submission to your dads (or perhaps, if someone married is reading this, your spouse?) How do you better yourself in this area? Or is it just easy for you? If so, how did you get that way?

Truly, Great is His Faithfulness

Great is Thy faithfulness, O God, my Father

There is no shadow of turning with Thee.

THOU CHANGEST NOT; Thy compassions they fail not.

As Thou hast been Thou forever wilt be.

Great is Thy faithfulness! Great us Thy faithfulness!

Morning by morning new mercies I see;

All I have needed Thy hand hath provided.

Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord unto me!

I owe a lot of thanks to Mrs. Beverly. When I did my latest post, I wasn't remembering my blog title and my blog "bio." I was more like, "Okay, bring on the pain....but..." I wasn't thinking of the fact that God promises to be faithful ALWAYS, in whatever situation I might find myself. Even though my situation is always changing, He never does! He promises to give me "strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow."

On my profile, I say that "wherever I am in life, and regardless of my emotions, you will be able to see the Lord high and lifted up in my blog." I don't think I did that as much as I should have. Yes, MercyMe's Bring the Rain ministered to me, but I was still feeling sorry for myself. I just need the constant reminders of who He is and what He promises. I need to remember that He is holding my life's script, and that He is faithful to see it to completion. That (the knowledge that He is in charge of the situation) needs to be "more than enough" for me.

I do want to thank ya'll for the prayers. I greatly appreciate them. I believe in the power of prayer, and it is so wonderful to be able to lift fellow believers before the Throne. I will keep ya'll posted on how the Lord leads my parents...and on how He is growing me and teaching me more and more about His Great Faithfulness!

Bring It On

It often is amazing what God uses to speak to me. My family has been going through a difficult time with a lot of things. Our church situation isn't getting any better; it seems to be getting worse. So, there is that and a few other problems....I feel like life is on another roller coaster. (Dad says that is basically the case with our existence :-) Yesterday, I was brought to the breaking point, and before I had a crying session, I turned on the radio. I am not usually a MercyMe fan, but their newest single, Bring the Rain, spoke volumes to me.

I can count a million times

People asking me how I

Can praise you with all that I've gone through

The question just amazes me

Can circumstances possibly

Change who I forever am in You

Maybe since my life has changed

Long before these rainy days

It's never really ever crossed my mind

To turn my back on you, oh Lord

My only shelter from the storm

But instead I draw closer through these times

So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace

Bring the chance to be free

Bring me anything the brings You glory

And I know there'll be days

When this life brings me pain

But if that's what it takes to praise You

Jesus, bring the rain

I am Yours regardless of

The dark clouds that may loom above

Because You are much greater than my pain

You who made a way for me

By suffering Your destiny

So tell me what's a little rain

This song brought tears to my eyes. I was so convicted of my feelings and thoughts I had been having. I want to be like Christ and to bring Him glory. However, pain is often a big way for that to happen. Thus, even though I would rather have things easy and a cake walk, I care about developing my character more. So, Lord, bring on the pain; You promised to give me the strength and grace to handle it.

I would appreciate your prayers for my family and myself. Please pray that God would guide my parents to the decisions that need to be made. Also, pray that the Lord would be glorified in what is going on. I want Him to grow me more and more into the likeness of Himself!