"A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you today just the way you are"~~Unknown
Just when I think I have healed from past scars, something always arises that reminds me of just how human I am, of just how much growth I still have yet to do. It is a painful thing to admit; in fact, I wish I could lie and say that I am perfect....that while I have many sin issues, I have finally gotten past this one.
I think I should add pride to the list. For who am I to think I am perfect? There is only One who is perfect....and He loves to show that I am not.
This past week, I have had a torrent of emotions sweep over me. My teenage years are fraught with memories of being dumped by girls who wanted to hang with the "cooler crowd," or of friends who wanted "famous people" for their peers. Journal entry after journal entry have tear stains as I poured out my heart to the Lord, asking what was wrong with me....
The answer came. There was nothing wrong with me. I was being who He wanted me to be. He only had those individuals in my life for the purpose of shaping me into the person who writes this entry today. The tears, the pain, the scars....they all had a purpose. And I thought that was enough for me to be at peace.
In a two day span, memories that had been dormant came flooding back as I felt that incidents were being repeated. I believed that, once again, there was something wrong with me. I wasn't cool enough or famous enough or even legalistic enough; I felt like I was headed back in the direction I had walked five years earlier.
It isn't easy to all of a sudden not care about what man think of you. Especially for this girl whose primary love language is that of "quality time" and "encouraging words." Sadly, I dub myself as high maintenance; I need those reminders that people do still love me. That they aren't going to dump me, despite my past history seeming otherwise.
But in the same two day span, I have been reminded by my Father and by others that the above quote holds true. They don't hold my past against me--they are standing beside me as I begin some new paths in the coming days--and they love me today, for infinity and beyond, faults and all. That is a measure of a true friend.
True friends are ones who instead of dumping me when I have my "off days," they pray me through them. They keep reminding me of the truth--the Voice of Truth I know in my head. The same Voice of Truth that says "this is for God's glory." Just as winning the battle of a particular sin issue glorifies Him, so does falling flat on my face and saying "I have taken a few steps backward; I need Your help."
With Christ's help, I am going to make it through this mess. And yes, some of those friends are going to help me too.
4 comments:
:) We're stuck like glue, my friend, and I am happy to stay beside you through it all. I know your struggles, you know mine...and we love each other in spite of them AND enough to speak truth in love. ;)
I love you, dear girl, and am so thankful for the growth our Lord has brought us through together. :)
Though I don't know the details, I'm praying for you, dear friend. I feel bad we haven't been in as close contact recently. But, I hope you know that I am here for you whenever. Friends are great blessings, but can also cause the most pain and heartache. Your teenage years sound a lot like my pre- and early teen years.
I recognize that quote, from the calendar. :)
You *are* loved, and missed. The girls that hurt you had a lot of growing up in Christ to do, just like we all do. Thanks for this post. :')
I'm so terrible with blogs these days! But I pulled up your link to read your blog and realized I'd missed a few posts. :(
I just want you to know, Ella, that I too have experienced friends who have loved me and left me and I know how much it hurts. It hurts a lot. You're not alone, my friend! <3
Through time I've come to realize that friendship and marriage are similar in that both situations require agape love. So many people these days base their friends on what they can get from them. But I'm convinced that friendship is a commitment and a giving process. Sometimes the girls that we've given our friendship to might drive us crazy, or sometimes we might drive THEM crazy. Sometimes they'll do stupid things and we'll do stupid things. Sometimes they'll irritate us and we'll irritate them. But friendship, like I said before, is like marriage - we should love ANYWAY. THEY should love anyway!
I'm of the mind that friendship shouldn't be conditional. Friends should have an unconditional love for each other.
So what I'm trying to say (in my usual rambly way. :)) is that you have a friend in *me* and I pray our friendship will last for always. I don't care what you do or don't do, or what say or don't say. I've told you that I'm your friend and I will be just that. *hugs and love to you*
Jess <3
P.S. I'm positive we're twins now. Those are my primary love languages too. :)
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