I Made A Big Deal About This?!

Recently, I went on a closet purge. In fact, I had been needing to do it for a while, but I kept on procrastinating. Sure I had boxes that I needed to go through to make room for my shoes...but I could just work around them. Finally, upon getting a rack for my white wedges and my nude peep-toe pumps, I had incentive to go through those boxes.

It was a combination of both a treasure trove and a junk drawer. I came across the porcelain dolls that I had loved so much when I was little--gifts from my grandmother and sweet, old ladies from church. I found receipts and catalogs from 2005....why they had been kept, I have no idea? Guess I didn't want to go out of my way to find a trashcan =) I also found the latch hook rug project that I had started when I was seven and never finished....and then, there they were. Trophies and medals were in the bottom of a trunk.

You have to understand something. When I was younger, these trophies and medals meant EVERYTHING to me. I strove to be the best at anything and everything. I wanted the Teacher's Award, which was given to the best all around student. I wanted Principal's List medals; those were given to the students who had straight "A's" all four quarters. (Honor Roll wasn't enough for me) I will never forget the day (and we have home video to prove it) of when I was given a medal and it said Honor Roll on it.....oh my word, you could see how ticked off I was. I wasn't getting recognized enough. After all the blood, sweat, and tears--as well as the throwing up every night because of stress to get the best grades--I thought that accolades and accouterments were the be all, end all. I went through a period where I about destroyed my health (and I was eight at the time to make it sound even worse), so much so that Mom and Dad began homeschooling me and my brother. I can honestly say that I don't know if I would be alive today if they hadn't.

God has taken me on a wild, humbling ride since those days. I had to get some of my pride and my perfectionism taken out of me. I needed to realize that a trophy or recognition wasn't worth killing myself. I thought that by having a trophy or some other tangible symbol of my success, I would somehow be perceived as better or best by others. I mean, we live in a society where we aim for top success and we "forget" about second or third place. I even admit that I am more inclined to remember who won the gold medal in a competition or who took home the Best Actor award than who were the runners-up. We as a nation are wrapped up in having unimportant things define us.

And yet, notice my trophies remained in the box...and I was okay. I didn't feel less of a person because they weren't on display. I had made such a big deal about achieving this recognition and yet, while all these years later I am happy that I did, I can't help but shake my head. Why did I make such a big deal over this little trophy? It doesn't even look that great! All it does is either collect dust or stay in a box as it has for over eight years now! Why did I think that defined me as a student, as a daughter, as a sister, as a person.......it didn't.

The Lord has reminded me that stuff is stuff. It doesn't define us. Now, that isn't to say that we should dress nicely so we can be defined as polished. Or that we shouldn't try to aim for our full potential. What we should always remember though is that our character defines us, our faith defines us, our speech defines us. In the end, this will always have a legacy that lasts longer than any trophy in the world. Those lose their luster, but a person who is known for having a caring heart and a smile that lights up the room.....that is oftentimes remembered longer.