I am being quite honest with you. Despite the fact that I know that I need to change, I have continued to remain a perfectionist for several years of my life. I am the person who wants to get an "A" average before she has barely studied the subject. I "think" that I need to get a piece of music, a skill, a sewing project, absolutely PERFECT when I haven't even tried it yet. I have improved....some....but it takes a mess up to remind me that I still am human.
Last night, I had my piano recital. After months of practicing, and weeks of crammed memorization, I got to play George Gershwin's "Prelude No. 2" and Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart's "Sonatina in C Major, Andante." Once piece I love; the other, well, Mrs. W. has helped me to live with. Each piece is different (they should be: one was written in the Classical Period, the other the Modern Period.) but that doesn't bother me.
I was confident; but at other times, not so much. When you have weird notes, and everything has to be memorized, you are bound to have some fuzzy parts. Which is okay....but not necessarily at a recital. Well, I went into last night feeling confident of Gershwin and okay with Mozart. I listen to all the other students; I had the "honor" of going last. I go up to the piano, my hands are shaking, a prayer in my heart.
Well, if you weren't there, it is hard for me to describe what happened. Let's just say I had more fuzzy parts than I would have liked. However, I made it all the way through without needing my books; in the midst of my mistakes, I didn't let them faze me and instead got to where I needed to be. I also didn't cry and for me, that is a BIG thing. I also gave a speech about my teacher, which God said through me.
It might not seem like this incident was a major occurrence. Little mistakes aren't bad, right? Well, for me, they can be. After all, I am Miss Perfectionist. Yet I will say that I have grown in my walk with the Lord. I know enough to know that He doesn't demand perfection of me. If He did, there would be no reason for His coming to Earth. I am the one who demands perfection, and really, it isn't all that it is cracked up to be. Last night showed me I am improving....and that practicing a little more wouldn't hurt a bit!
7 comments:
I think you are too hard on yourself!!! There weren't very many "fuzzy" parts. In fact, really the only time I noticed a glitch was when you shook your head. Your actions alerted me to the fact that you hadn't done it right.
I think you played beautifully...even if not perfectly.
Love,
Mom
It's good to know that God knows we aren't perfect..."For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust," Psalm 103:14. All He cares about is our hearts being broken and humble! I'm glad you did well last night, and that you didn't cry!
Striving for excellence can be good! In moderation that is. Though it is amazing when we perform our instruments, we think everyone who hears us noticed every mistake that we made and every imperfection. In reality that isn't the case. Like your mom said, she only really noticed something when you shook your head. Those little imperfections that are natural and just happen, but they go by so quickly that they are hardly noticeable and hardly detract (if at all) from the overall piece.
This reminds me of a conversation I had with a positively fantastic pianist. He said that mistakes are just improvisations :)
So I'm sure you sounded great, good job!
How I would have loved to be there!
I agree with your mother. Most people don't even know that you make mistakes or little fumbles unless you indicate it by shaking your head or frowning (said from experience). I'm always hard on myself after a recital or competition.
By the way, thanks for the e-card! I'm still waiting for my score from festival.
I'm glad your piano recital went well! I was praying.
I agree with those who've commented before me: most people really don't notice mistakes, no matter what we do. They don't know the piece like we do, and they're just listening to the beautiful music, not often noticing if we fumble a bit, as long as we don't make it evident. I can do the same thing when I'm dancing - get done and wish I'd stuck this turn more or used more expression, had higher extensions, etc. However, the most important thing is that we glorify the Lord - no matter how we do1
I am a perfectionist as well. My violin teacher laughs at me some times because I think I have to get every single note perfect every single time. Wonderful post, glad to know I'm not the only one who struggles with this.
Thank you all so much for your loving words and encouragement! I know that I am far too hard on myself. Something that needs to be changed, along with the perfectionism itself. I do much better than I used to with giving my mistakes away--you would only have to hear me and know that aside from my one head shake, you would never know!
However, all things considered, I played how God wanted me to play. And if He got the glory, I am totally satisfied!
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