My Rating: Humbleness

No matter what I set out to do, the Lord has a tendency to turn it into an opportunity to learn something. It can be a new lesson, or it can be something that I have learned so many times, and yet need a fresh reminder of. It was the latter that was true of me the past few days.

I was prepared as I could have been for the piano festival. I was a little too close for comfort in getting them memorizing. And like always, I suffer from an immense case of nervousness. However, I also was looking forward to my playing; I was intrigued to find out how my final year would go. Let’s just say now how I wish my attitude had been different.

I did my best; I got through my pieces without the noticeable errors from the recital the week before. I thought I did very well. But I do not believe my judge thought so. I had to play a part over again in Mozart. I was corrected afterwards for play the piece how it was written. It was very difficult to take all this…but I didn’t cry until afterwards. Even then, my tears were about how I felt that I was compared to a concert pianist and I didn’t like that at all.

Like I had to go through last year, the Lord was about to take me down the path of accepting how I did. I knew that I had done my best and that I had tried to glorify God in my performance. However, was I going to be content with a lesser rating. After all, I had had “superiors,” the highest, for every single year that I had done the festival. Would I be okay with final year getting less than that—even if I had done what I thought was a top performance?

The days afterwards were filled with this question. Saturday found me thinking over multiple times the mistakes I had and the strong points that I had. I kept agonizing over everything! It was terrible, but you know, I still have some problems accepting the fact that I might get less of a good thing.

The Lord has never demanded of me that I get the highest rating at the festival, or that I become a concert pianist playing Mozart like he was primary level. He wants me to do my very best and leave it at that. A Superior Rating will fade away in time.

I still do not know what my actual rating is; I have been giving pure speculation. However, I do know what I have learned beyond the wrong phrasing, the missed notes, etc: I have learned once again that I suffer from pride. I want to appear that I have it all together; in the end, I prove that I don’t. God has work to do in me, yet He who is faithful to begin the work will be faithful to complete it!