Poor Me Syndrome

I can count on it happening every four or five weeks. It comes around the time that a McDonald's burger actually sounds good--which it rarely does--and I want to eat fried food and ice cream. It's also the time where I cry at every. blessed. thing imaginable. Rationality gets thrown out the window and instead Poor Me Syndrome replaces it.

I sadly give into PMS far, far too often. I can feel it creeping into my life, into my thoughts. Self doubt rages. I definitely become the "glass half empty" person. Thankfully I can still think positively about other people, but I cannot remotely do that about myself. I struggle with jealousy, believing the enemy's lies, and "woe is me" should just be my catch phrase.

In this year of every one getting married and me still being single--in this year of people having their college graduations and I'm still studying away--it's definitely easy to be like Eeyore. My Poor Me Syndrome tells me that I'll never get these things. I'll always be the one losing my tail but never getting it back.

However, I am trying to do my best this summer with one thing: not giving in to PMS and so far, I do feel like I'm doing better. (Instead of it lasting a week, it lasts a day, isn't that a huge blessing?! I would say for all around me it is.) I'm never going to completely beat it and there certainly isn't any medicine to help. But life is all about choices and I can either give in or rise above.

Years ago, I went through a legalism journey. I have talked about it before and I have shared how I learned immeasurably about grace. I realize and recognize that I am still learning about grace. Grace that holds me up when I doubt and struggle. Grace that holds up me to face a new day. Grace that reminds me that I have been called to this "different" life for a special reason, a reason no one else could accomplish. Grace that leaves me refined for the day and awaiting refinement for the next.

These next six months are going to be interesting ones for me. They will be amazing and beautiful and joyful, yet bittersweet and tough at the same time. There will be plenty of opportunities to fall on my knees before my Father, asking me for grace and strength. That my true feelings--those of genuine happiness and rejoicing--would supersede those of Poor Me Syndrome. PMS isn't good for anyone--it isn't for myself nor is it for those whom I am around.

I am a work in process, as one of my dear friends likes to say about herself (and I am now copying.) I don't have it all together and I definitely will give you a heads up about that =) I still will have those weeks where I want to sit and cry my issues into a pint of ice cream. But I refuse to give victory. I do not want a jaded outlook to be what I am known for; after all, you gain a reputation from the smallest of occurrences, even your response from a day of Poor Me Syndrome.

I truly am excited with my life. And this year holds amazing things for me. I know that. I need to ALWAYS know that, cling to it, remember to it. I hope you all can do the same as well.