I purposely didn't tell you all what my opinion was on my latest post. I didn't want you to make your decision based on mine; everyone has to think and act for themselves. And I greatly enjoyed hearing your honest thoughts. Now, you get to hear mine.
Let me state that I do not advocate divorce. I have seen a couple of marriages sadly crumble and fall apart. However, in a situation like the one I described, let me say that I do support divorce....and if it were me, I would be the one leaving.
God makes two allowances for divorce in scripture: abuse and infidelity. I don't think it advisable for any one, whether it be the husband or the wife, to live in a house where their vows are not respected, where there are multiple women or men involved. Sure, there is a thing as giving people a second chance.....but tell me honestly, do you think you would be able to trust someone who lied to you?
I bet you were able to determine just which "famous" couple I was talking about--but it has applied to many people of late. And I hate to admit it, but I was glad when I found out that one of the spurned wives was getting a divorce. I think a person is better to try and find new love again than being in a place of dishonesty and cheating.
I will confess, it does make me leery about my own marriage someday. Even Christian men are doing the cheating, so that does not make "them" off limits to temptation. It does make me wonder why I want to make myself vulnerable.....but all I can do is pray that the Lord would spare me from having to make a decision such as divorce.
So there you have my opinion. If you want to ask any more questions, comment them!
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10 comments:
If the infidelity is a one-time occurrence (one woman/one time), and there is repentance on the part of the unfaithful spouse, then I believe reconciliation is possible. We've seen that in different friends we've known through the years. That said, forgiveness is often easier to give than renewed trust is.
But when the unfaithful spouse does not repent and chooses to continue with the relationship in the midst of the marriage, then I think the one cheated on is fully right to leave.
And I agree, Christian men are just about neck and neck with non-Christian men with regard to cheating (as one look at our 1994 church yearbook bears out!!)
Love,
Mom
Love,
Mom
I'm glad we were on the same page. :-) I would be leery to stay with someone who had abused me in this way. However, if I had kids I might not be as "eager" to get a divorce for their sake. But that would also depend on how "bad" things were in the marriage itself. But all that is talk. I can't really know until I have been put into a situation like this. (And hopefully that will never happen!)
I agree with you on this subject, Ella!
Thank you for stopping by my blog! It's nice to meet another "Sue Thomas" fan. ;) Isn't that a great show?
Anyway, you have a wonderful blog!
I love the title and meaning.
~ Love & Blessings,
Lindsay
As I was making breakfast this morning, I was musing over your words about vulnerability...
It reminded me of the lyrics from the new Sara Groves album, which I have been devouring since I got it last week!
"Love of songs in pen, oh, love of movie endings takes out the break, leaves out the bend and misses love. Love not of you, love not of me - come hold us up, come set us free. Not as we know it, but as it can be."
I think it applies in that, the love of Christ must be the central love on which a marriage rests... both people being satisfied in it and both people living a way that communicates it to their spouse.
The love of Christ is "perfect love that casts out fear." Whether that be fear of getting a divorce one day or fear that comes from the risk of trusting and making oneself vulnerable.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts - I benefited! :)
Yes, Mom, we have watched many Christian men fall away....and it has been sad to see.
Neesie, I agree....it would be hard to leave if there were children involved. And yet, it could be easy too. I mean, the child's dad wouldn't be that great of an example.
Lindsay, yes, Sue Thomas F.B.Eye is a fabulous show! It is one of my favorites.
Alaina, I have loved having comments from you. And I am glad that you and I appear to agree. But yes, Christ has to be the cornerstone in a marriage--without him, all else matters naught.
We witnessed a recent experience of this type of situation, so of course, Shannon and I have been talking about it.
I think the increase in cases of divorce in our society (Christian or not) is partly the result of how we have raised our children. I believe that the goal of teaching our children obedience to us is to eventually release them to being obedient to God. When kids are little, they need to be able to obey immediately, without knowing why. This will teach them to have self-control. My observation is that there are so many parents today who do not do this and who do not have consistency in their parenting; thus their children end up without a lot of self-control. I believe this is also part of the reason why crime is so prevalent, as well as so many other sinful behaviors. Obviously, not all children raised in poor environments grow up to be criminals, but I think they do grow up with areas of compromise in their lives. For some, this may be unfaithfulness to their spouses. I am extremely grateful for the way in which my parents raised me and the way my husband's parents raised him. Marry a reputable guy who was raised well, and I think you won't have to worry so much!!
I just saw this post (I've missed being on blogger-finals are this week!). I definitely agree with you...I would leave my husband if he was cheating on me. Of course, reconciliation should always be attempted, but there are so many cases where that is impossible. Divorce is so sad, but sometimes it has to be done.
And I know what you mean about being vulnerable--I guess that's why I've become a little more of a realist and cynical when it comes to marriage. I know being a realist about these things isn't bad, but I'm trying to work on not being so cynical. I will always be a romantic, and I love watching movies about it (like Jane Austen films, where they live happily ever after)...but I feel like that wonderful story will never be mine.
God has a plan for both of us Ella, and I know it will be wonderful, and I'm sure the man God brings into your life will love you very much. =)
Love you!
Hey, Ella!
I'm just seeing this post as well. ;-) I have a bit of a different opinion than you do, as I hold a permeamce view of marriage (my dad actually has a sermon on the subject on Sermon Audio). I don't think any couple who has suffered through abuse or divorce is any less holy than I, not do I believe myself any more righteous than they; however, as far as my future marriage goes, I'll be entering it with the comittment that divorce is not an option, and it's very important to me to marry a man with the same view.
However, I actually wanted to comment about the part of your post about worrying about your future spouse's fidelity. My dear friend: don't. Trust that the Lord, in his perfect plan, will bring a Christian man into your life in his perfect timing who will strive to love you as Christ loves the church. Know that difficulty *will* come in one form or another, great and small, but that you serve a sovereign king who will use you, sanctify you, and gird you for for whatever challenges you may face -for his glory. We fallen sinners will have out trials, but we needn't borrow trouble for tomorrow. Trust the Lord's leading and your parent's guidance as you choose your spouse and let him handle the rest. ;-)
Love you, dear!
J
Ack! That should be "permanence" not "permeance." Sorry about that. ;-)
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