Unfair?

"We walk without fear, full of hope and courage and strength to do His will,

waiting for the endless good which He is always giving as fast

as He can get us able to take it in."

--George MacDonald--

I don't know about you, but sometimes, my life feels like a collapsing barn. If someone were to look it, they would see a girl who struggles with holding it together some days...and one who often wishes her barn were a house on Sunset Boulevard. I have a hard time relating to people who give the appearance of having all their ducks in a row, who do not struggle with the cards they are dealt, who live an immaculate life and get everything they want...because that is unlike anything I can even imagine. It hasn't been my life for twenty-one years, and I doubt it will be twenty-one years from now.

I would be lying if I said I loved everything about my life. I don't. I wish I didn't have to pay my own way through college. I wish I didn't have to think about the financial straits my family is living in. I wish I had friends nearby and ones not relegated to e-mail and blogging. I don't understand why some of my prayers go unanswered. Like why for so many years, my family hoped and prayed for more kids and not have it happen, only to have certain families have them right and left...or why certain friends of mine have major health problems that impact their daily lives...

The older I get, the more I discover how messy and complicated life is. And with each day that goes by, I see more and more of how finite and human I am. But you know what? With every question comes a reminding answer; with every failing brings a renewed dosage of grace. Life looks different for each and every person and while mine might seem unfair to me every so often, it really isn't.

God does have endless good for me, for each and every one of us. Sometimes, it can just take a convoluted path to find its way to you. Or should I say, God wants us to walk unashamedly and courageously, boldly rolling with the punches He brings our way. And when we do that, we won't be able to keep up with the amazing things He is bound to do.

So you know what, I am thankful for that collapsing barn, for those messy bits types of days. They grow me as a person; they make me more unique (as if I wasn't unique enough ;-). So you can have the immaculate mansion....though invite me in every once and a while!