Giving Thanks

I have been silent for almost a month. It is not completely by choice. I have been out of town, to a wedding, back in town and back to routines....the holidays are coming up so I'm gearing up for lots of baking...I still have work and college. So yes, it's been crazy.

However, I have also been quiet by choice. The Lord has been teaching me a lot of things lately. Things that I cannot explain--I don't even want to attempt to--and so I do not try.

All of it, though, has caused me to come before the Throne. Seeking, praying, and praising.....

In this season of giving thanks, I want to always pause and thank my Lord for what He is doing. For the confusing moments that draw me closer to Him. For blessing me beyond measure with so many things. For extending me mercy and grace each day, things I do not deserve.

Sigh. I might be an English major, but my words are failing me today. I'm thankful for family and friends who love me even when such events happen ;) I encourage y'all, in the midst of this week, to really pause and thank God--for the little things and the big things. Stand with arms high and heart abandoned in awe of the One who gave us all of this.

He is good.

I might be back before Thanksgiving but if not....may you all have a wonderful day, full of laughter, food, family, and blessings <3 p="">

It's Been Crazy

Sigh. I hate it. I have neglected this wonderful little blog yet again.

Since I wrote, I have been busy. I have been trying to savor the last few days of autumn. I have had tests for school and the craziest of work schedules. I have had phone calls to make, emails to write...I have been more diligent with reading and household projects. And I have become an honorary aunt!!

And now I am headed out of town Saturday. This time, I am headed to Florida....and Alabama. There will be posts and pictures. I hope. I mean, I get to see my grandparents after seven years. I get to spend time with girlfriends. I get to go to the beach. I'll have some time to really process a lot of thoughts swirling in my house.

Yep. I hope to write more while I'm gone. And share pictures too.

So that's where I'll be....if anyone reads anymore. LOL

Feelings of Acceptance

Picture courtesy of Melinda....and it's minus a few people =)

I sat back and silently sipped my sangria. All I wanted to do was survey the scene around me. Burgers, fries, milkshakes, beers, Long Island iced teas, sangrias....all of it was on the table. Laughter was in the air. The most random of conversation threads would ensue only to be met with another one. The table was so long, I couldn't carry on a conversation except with those closest in proximity to me.

But it didn't matter. I still felt like this group accepted me--liked me--for who I was. They did not change who they were to impress me and I didn't have to change to impress them. They were themselves; all they did was just add me into the mix.

It had been that way all week. At the rehearsal dinner the evening before, I took some time getting acclimated to everyone. Thankfully, I had begun to gradually meet people on Thursday or else I would be have been in over my head. (The introverted side coming out ;)) I could carry on conversations...although I do think the double shot of espresso that I had had helped with that. Just being a part of a group again was enough.

Those feelings. Once upon a time they had been a part of my life. But they hadn't been....and still aren't....for many years. Leaving churches because of false teachings is a good thing (a VERY good thing) but it also caused "friends" to fall by the wayside. Church "shopping" doesn't really allow for relationship development. And while I enjoy my church now, I feel most accepted by 3-6 year olds. Young adults who think with the same Biblical worldview as I do, have the same standards and background as I do, who want to have fun but in a healthy way like I do.....they just don't exist in my circles. They're not visible. I will not go into the reasons why. =)

Being a Christian, homeschool educated, CollegePlus doing, wife/mother/writer desiring girl has its good points....but it also makes it very hard to feel accepted sometimes. People constantly judge my choices, choices that I know God has led me to (but are against the norm BIG TIME). I know the looks. I know the comments. I get it here all the time.

I do have dear friends; they just all live states away from me. So hanging out with 18-26 year old guys and girls over food and fellowship...it reminded me of what I have been missing for so many years.

Community. 

Who knows. I probably scared half of the people I met away....=) But hopefully, they know how grateful I am. Grateful that for one weekend, I felt like a part of a family again. I felt like I belonged. I felt like I seamlessly fit right in....and I hadn't felt that way in a long time. It's one of the many reasons why I want to go back and see these people again. Was it just in the "spirit of the day?" Or was it more than that? I'd like to think it was the latter. (And it probably was, so one of my dearest friends will tell me)

So to everyone who made me feel one of the gang:
*For driving me back to the airport
*For making jokes about my height
*For talking about name pronunciations
*For convincing me what drinks to get
*For the Starbucks run when I desperately needed one
*For the random Pinterest memes
*For the talks about higher education
*For the TV show comments and "role ideas"
*To the guys who treated me with respect and courtesy (yet were fun at the same time)
*To the girls who weren't mean girls by ANY stretch of the imagination but were instead some of the best around
*For the laughter and the hugs

Thank you. It meant more than you will ever know.

Reflections and Promises

The bride readying her bouquet the day before =)

Everyone usually asks, "What were you thinking during the ceremony?" How is there an easy answer for that? How do you sum up a barrage of emotions that come in a forty-five minute time span? Besides the remembrances to "bend your knees so you don't lock them up" of course ;-)

I watched the bride walk down towards her Prince. A man that we had prayed for for years. A man that had come calling just eight months before. I smiled when I saw the two of them together. The bride and groom....they just fit.

I had only met the groom about eighteen hours earlier, but he had my lifetime stamp of approval. Once I saw them together for the first time, I discovered that he was everything that my dear sister-friend needed. Any skepticism I had had flew out the window. He grounded her. He adored her. They complimented each other. I could say, "Yep. I see her married to him for the rest of her life" without any hesitation.

My dear friend had been nervous about saying her vows. Would she cry as she looked into her fiancee's eyes? If only she knew how much I was cheering for her as she said them--and how I fist pumped in my head when she got them word for word correct. (Trust me, I had quizzed her on them--her request-- about five times so I almost had them memorized myself). And then, as the groom dipped her for their kiss.....let's just say their first kiss was oh so fantastic and beautiful and...uh....not awkward. 

I stood and watched all of this unfold. I reflected on what God had done. God had truly taken a situation into His hands, caused it to grow, and written a beautiful love story. I had been there for it all: for the doubting it would ever happen, the confusion when Ashton first came around, the joy in Jennifer's voice as she told me she was engaged. And yes, I wondered if it would ever be the case with me.

Would it ever be me wearing the white dress? Would I have Jennifer cheering me on as I spoke my wedding vows? Would I ever know the feeling of a man adoring me as much as Ashton adores Jennifer? Would I get to join my name with someone and build up the next generation with him? Would I have to wait many more years....or would my story be of a slightly faster nature?

As I blinked back tears (which I do also blame on faulty contact lenses and being overwhelmingly happy), I was reminded of a simple truth. Just as God had written Jennifer's love story, He was also writing mine. I didn't need the answers as to whether or not it would be "fast moving". As to when my Prince Charming would come into my life. All that I needed to know was that my time would---strike that--*is* coming. And I'll have friends standing beside me holding my bouquet, grinning like a Cheshire cat as I am kissed, debating whether or not to have fun walking back up the aisle. I'm just going off of my own occurrences here. ;)

So as Jennifer and Ashton were pronounced man and wife, I marveled at what God had brought together. What I had been blessed to be a part of. And I began to marvel expectantly at what God will bring together for me. Who knows when (Lord willing, sooner rather than later.....), but still, I began to look forward to the day. But on this gorgeous September day, it was Jen and Ashton's day and I could not have been happier. I say that with one hundred percent honesty.

I walked out of the church. Yes, I was thankful I didn't have to stand in one position anymore. Yes, I was thankful that my contact could fall out now. But I was also thankful for two becoming one, for the joining of hearts and the joining of lives. It is such a beautiful celebration. One I loved reveling in as a bridesmaid.....

And one day, someday, I'll love reveling in it as the bride. Someday.

Meeting My Twin

"Can you come here for a second?"

When my friend, the bride, uttered those words, what could I do but listen? I was a bridesmaid. It was my job to help the bride do anything and everything. Had the programs been misplaced? Was there a call that I needed to take for her? Or had her fiancee arrived and I was getting to finally meet him. (After all, I had kept her accountable to her wishes--of not seeing him until the rehearsal dinner)

Throwing myself into wedding details and general fantastic-ness in turn helped me out. I could be focused less on my loneliness, my singleness, and instead, I could bless one of my dearest friends. I wouldn't have had it any other way. In fact, I loved every minute of it. My time will come to be the bride--but this was not the day. And that was okay, more than okay. The Lord had ordained it to be my friend's beautiful day!!

So again, when I was asked for, I came when I was called.

But I was not needed for such things. On a night about close friends and family coming together to make the bride and groom feel special, my close friend had sought to make me feel special. For there, on the stair landing, was my Twin. A girl who I am like in every way but blood. A girl who I have known for five years, whom I have sent prayer requests to, talked about TV shows with, shared daily life stories with.

She and I had planned on seeing each other at the wedding--the next day. But no, she and the bride had worked together to surprise me with her appearance a day earlier. So many people had been in on it--her ride to the wedding, mutual friends on Facebook. Watching my reaction to my surprise were so many people: the bride, my fellow Sisters of the Heart, the groom's brother and sister....

Yes, there was a lot of happiness. There were some squeals. Maybe even some tears. And I got to spend time at the rehearsal dinner with her. I spent time after the wedding with her. We had a sangria and split a burger together. And in the picture above, we worshiped at church together.

Meeting my twin in person was even better than I could have imagined. The Lord brought us together--He brought the details together. I will always remember the laughs, the inside jokes, the heart to hearts shared. I felt richly blessed. I still do. Before you ask, yes, I plan on seeing her again in 2014.

This story....it's only the continuation of a beautiful friendship. And more stories from the wedding shall continue.

Random Wedding Tidbits

Wow. It's been a week. I cannot believe I have been back home a week. It feels like yesterday that I was rejoicing with my dear sister-friend's marriage to an amazing guy. It also feels like forever ago.

I have many thoughts I want to share with you. Some I am still thinking about on my own. Praying about so many things....and thanking him for the answered prayers that happened one week ago.

I also need to upload the pictures I managed to take. They are still on my camera and what stinks, most of them take place before Friday. Once Friday dawned, I stepped into bridesmaid mode. Making memories with friends both old and new instead of taking pictures. I am okay with that decision, that call.

In the meantime, here are some events that STILL swirl around in my head from the week:

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*Moments spent in prayer in the midst of meltdowns (and all of my sisters and I being back together again). Seriously, having our sights on the Lord and praying about the future....I am thankful.

*Walking to Iowa in four inch heels. Long story, but I did it. It was fantastic

*Being surprised by my "Twin" the day before I expected to see her. There were squeals, I am sure. And I got to hug someone my own size ;) You don't know how rare that is.

*Slipping into wedding planner mode and doing my best to be there for my friend. Even if it meant running up and down stairs, invading her luggage, in the hopes of finding her lipstick. For the record, I never did. I also learned how to make boutonnieres....and I managed to not hurt the grandpa's when I put them on! Yay!

*Lots of laughter over drinks. Meeting new people who instantly made me feel welcomed. Double shots of espresso on a day when I definitely needed one.

*The father/daughter dance that made me teary eyed. Strike that. I lost it.

*Nearly losing a contact during the ceremony. In which I smiled SO broadly for my friend as her fiancee dipped her for the kiss. So maybe it was the tears of happiness and not my contact acting weird.

*The groomsmen doing a dance with Afros, fake tattoos, and "Eye of the Tiger." It was hilarious....but I still don't know what my friend thought.

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I will share more again soon. It was such a wonderful week. God showed up in so many ways.

And congrats to the happy couple! Love you both!

Spot On

I haven't seen Bridesmaids....but this photo seemed to work =)

The internet doesn't have many articles that make me go "WOW. That was GOOD." Most of them, I get frustrated and annoyed with what I read. However, this past week, a particular article has made its way through my Facebook feed, one that made sit up and nod my head.

Finally. Someone was saying words that I have been saying in my head, or aloud to a few trusted confidantes, but never would I have the guts to write them down.

Before I continue on with my thoughts, I want you to read the article. It can be found here. Then come back =)

..........

See? Wasn't it good?!

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 I could just end it there. And I just might. You know what, that is what I am going to want to do. I'm dying to know YOUR thoughts on it.

Granted, I would word things differently. I think a little extra measure grace could be used when handling people. But still, I gave a resounding AMEN......it won't put my critics to rest.

But it is always good to know we're not alone.

Days Flying By

Sigh. A moment where I can actually relax. Granted, I have to take it at 12:30 in the morning, but a girl has got to do what a girl has got to do!

September is here! Wow! How quickly the days and months fly by always blows my mind every single year....However, this year, life seems to going by exceptionally fast. You see, my month looks like this:

*Coworker's wedding this Saturday
*Wednesday morning childcare starts back
*Wednesday night childcare starts back up
*Programming at work starts back starting this Friday
*Finish two projects by the 17th......hopefully
*Femnista article due
*Going away party for a dear friend
*Travel to Nebraska
*Be a bridesmaid in friend's wedding
*Meet "my twin"
*Attempt to keep on with college studies during all of this
*TV shows start back up.......

Yeah, I'm just a little bit busy. So if I am sporadic around here--which I hope NOT to be--you know why. I have a legitimate excuse this time. LOL

What all are YOU up to this month?

Just Enough Strength To Live For Today

It was one of those days. Days in which nothing had gone the way I had wanted it to:

*I wasn't able to begin my day in the Word
*I had had a long, exasperating day at work--with more things going wrong than right
*My favorite football player had been cut from his team
*Misunderstandings and false assumptions with dear friends
*My football team played pathetically--and lost--their opening game of the season

By the end of the night, I was worn out and fried. I just wanted to go back in time, hit the rewind button (even going back 48 hours), and have a do over. I would love nothing more than to fix the things I could...or warn others about outcomes so they could fix them.

Sadly, I couldn't. I was reminded anew of how finite, how human, I am. I was reminded that I do not have things all together. Things still get under my skin and rub me the wrong way. Clearly I still have control freak perfectionist tendencies in me.


As is customary, the Lord got my attention. He reminded me of my favorite verse, 2 Corinthian 12:9. His grace was going to get me through days such as these. Even the little stupid things like my football team losing.....God doesn't want me dwelling on it. He wants me picking up the pieces of where I have messed up--He wants me moving on from the other things--and just letting go. It is in my weaknesses, in my human frailties, that I am reminded of just how awesome and great and mighty He is.

Ask anyone close to me and they will tell you something. I have a tendency to dwell on what I have done wrong. I'm also a glass half empty person nearly seventy-five percent of the time....so I will always think someone resents me, the bad day will repeat itself, etc. etc.

And that is where reminder number 2 came in. I had been singing a particular song from Vacation Bible School all day. One that my little kiddos would sing as they went from station to station. I had no idea why I was singing it....until I listened to the lyrics. The chorus about just enough strength to live for today. I'll never have to worry what tomorrow will bring. My faith is on the solid rock; I'm counting on God.....it hit me. I DO NOT have to worry about if I will screw up tomorrow, because my God has redeemed my tomorrows. He only wants me to make it through the day I am living in. That is all.

I don't need to be perfect (even though I can think I have to.) I am allowed to have days where I feel as if nothing has gone right. I can screw up without meaning to, sometimes to a point seemingly beyond repair.....but God still loves me. Nothing is too problematic for Him.

So yeah, this day in question stunk. Majorly stunk like Limburger cheese or durian fruit. But that is today. I've lived it. I've gotten through it.......

And tomorrow will be better. I am counting on God to have it be so. He won't let me down.

May you count on God today!

White Picket Fences

I like white picket fences. I really do. I used to live in a house with an awesome vinyl picket fence that I helped build. I love the look of them from a street, with their (at least in my imagination) picturesque lawns and stunning houses with dormer windows.

Recently, I was talking with a dear friend about life, as two twenty-three year olds are apt to do in this day and age. We both are surrounded by people who are getting married, living the American dream with their own places, the kids, etc.....and that's when she said something that hit me:

"I don't want the white picket fence."

I thought about it for a second. I mean, I knew her desire to still be married--so she wasn't heading in the complete opposite direction from even a few months ago. But what did she mean?

"I do not desire a life that is safe. White picket fences are safe; it's what they symbolize. I find living the complete June Cleaver thing boring and dull. It doesn't push me towards doing great things."

It was then I completely got it. One hundred percent....and I completely agreed with her.

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You all now by know how much I desire to be married. It is true. I believe the Lord told me I would someday and I look forward to that day. But I am also a girl who--call it feminist or whatever you want--does desire to do more with a husband and kids than just cook and clean. NO, I don't want to go out and get a career that makes me abandon my family. I want to do something WITH my husband and kids; I want to be everything He wants me to be and do everything He wants me to do....

I don't want a safe life either.
As it is, I don't live a safe, expected life. I go to college when a LOT of my friends didn't. I am (mostly) content with not being married at twenty-three. I choose to be very involved with my job at the library and be heavily involved in my church. All of it puts me out there with people. Trust me, I would rather stay in a safe bubble, here at home, where I don't run the risk of hurt, rejection, or failure.

But that is no life. At least for me. I look ahead to where I would like to be. I don't desire something that screams of perfection. I'm not a perfect human being by any stretch of the imagine. And I don't want perfection.

There is a difference between nice things and things that box me in
Don't get me wrong. I still want a nice house (that yes, I am known to imagine in my mind looking like one from Southern Living. I know. I know. Unrealistic). I desire a husband and children. Ones that do not cheat on me or cause me heartache. But I also don't want cookie cutter scenarios. I don't always cook neatly in the kitchen and I don't always want life being neat either. For me, one of the ways in which I don't see it being "neat," is that I want to adopt my children. And let's face it, adopting is not exactly the "white picket fence." Depending on how old the child is, there is baggage; you can go through a tumultuous time. Having something I can control one hundred percent in this area would box me in........and frankly, I do not think the Lord has that path for me.

Every one has a different path they are to walk. If we all looked the same, if all of us resided in the same "houses," this life would be very boring. So I defy anyone who thinks we need to have certain stereotypes--even ones that involve husbands and children.

I look at my friends who are getting married. They are doing things their own way.....and I am sure that the Lord has certain scenarios He wants them to avoid, to keep them from living in the safety zone. It's a beautiful thing to watch. And as I watch, I dream about my own....who knows what further ways the Lord will change me into my own version of June Cleaver. For yes, I will always wear heels in the kitchen (or be barefoot in the kitchen), look chic, and care about my kids. But there will be so much more as well. And it will be all a part of the woman He makes me to be.

What about you? Are you letting your life stay in the white picket fence? Or are you stepping outside of it and making your life, your house, your OWN?

Therefore, since we are surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders us and the sin that so easily entangles. Let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith."--Hebrews 12:1-2a

In the Words of Michael Scott....

I hate goodbyes. I always have. I cannot do them in ANY movie that I watch. Trust me, ask my family who watched me bawl, at age 14, during a Sesame Street movie in which Big Bird leaves. (But don't ask me why I was watching it when I was that old. I don't have the foggiest idea.)

Ever since I was little, I have been saying goodbye. Moving across the country and leaving grandparents and friends. Moving once again....and then moving back. Visiting long distance friends, having an amazing visit, and then having to leave without them. All of it requires saying "goodbye." Because, honestly, who knows when we will see them again?!

This past week, I found out that someone very dear to me will be moving across the country. And though I know she will be back to visit, considering her kids and grandchildren are here, I also know that things will not be the same. I won't see her smiling face on Sundays. I won't get her big hugs and her encouraging "you can take charge, just trust yourself" glances. I prayed for God's will for her, which is why I know her moving is the best and right thing....but that doesn't make it easy.

The Broadway musical, Wicked!, has a song with lyrics that go something like this:
I've heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led to those who help us most to grow
If we let them and we help them in return
Well I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today because I knew you.....

It well may be that we'll never meet again
In this lifetime so let me say before we part
So much of me is made from what I've learned from you
You'll be with me like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have rewritten mine by being my friend.......

I love this song. It's so true for me. There was a time when I was afraid to let people into my life. I had been bruised one too many times, been let down by one too many people. But the Lord reminded me that that was no way to live. He wanted me to allow myself to have a story be rewritten. He wanted me to have good friends who would leave handprints and footprints on my heart. Sometimes, yes, they have still been bad ones, but they are still there. 

If I allow myself to not feel, I would be losing a big part of myself. Which is why, as much as these tears stink, as much as I dread giving my friend that final hug, I still am thankful. I'm thankful to the Lord for helping me move past pain, past fear, and into a happier, richer, fuller place.

However, I do look forward to the day when we won't have to say goodbye anymore. Jokingly, I will be THRILLED to not have mascara run down my face so much so that I look like a raccoon. Instead of goodbyes, only hugs and hellos will be said. It'll be happy. So in order to get to that point, I know I must go through pain--and I'm trying to be okay with it.

Who are those people in your life that you will be glad not to say goodbye to anymore? What impact have they left on your life? If you would like, please share!

The Shock Factor

Last night's MTV's Video Music Awards had many water cooler moments. It also filled up Facebook and Twitter feeds....at least it did mine. I didn't even watch the show, but I knew enough of what went on to talk with people about it.

The N*Sync reunion (Yes, I watched it on Youtube. Come on, I'm a '90s girl who had friends OBSESSED with this group)

Lady Gaga and Katy Perry debuting their new singles entitled, respectively, "Applause" and "Roar." (Which are stupid names, by the way)

Taylor Swift dissing Harry Styles (but then again, I wouldn't expect anything less from her.)

And then....in a class by herself....there was Miley Cyrus. Her performance involving foam fingers, large teddy bears, raunchy clothing, and plenty of twerking and tongue wagging. A performance that left a lot of people dismayed, repulsed, and at a loss for words.

It is a fact universally acknowledged that this nation is morally bankrupt. One only has to see tabloid headlines to be aware of that fact. In so many ways we are like Sodom and Gomorrah, it leaves me amazed that God hasn't destroyed us yet. We deserve it, there is no denying that.

Our sex crazed society thrives on shocking people. It's why sex scenes sell at the box office. It's why the Victoria Secret Fashion show garners huge numbers. The shock factor is something people seem to like. Tuning in to see how far certain things will go before they are repulsed.

Which is why the VMA's have left me happy about one thing. People were repulsed by Miley's performance. This picture of Will Smith and his family seems to say it all, but his reaction is not alone. So many famous actors and actresses and singers took to Twitter. Brooke Shields, who played Miley Cyrus's mom on Hannah Montana, thought it screamed of desperation. I am yet to hear one positive word about her "song and dance" number. Even those hardcore fans of MTV and the Video Music Awards say this was taking things too far.

At age twenty, Miley is doing all she can to break away from her good girl, Hannah Montana, image. Which is bothering people. It shows that deep down, we as a nation value innocence. Shock and awe isn't all that we crave; we crave sweetness and decency. So it warms my heart that there is an outcry. I think when we arrive at the day of not caring (of enjoying a twenty year old gyrating around in a nude bra and underwear), that is when we become Modern Sodom and Gomorrah. When we will be destroyed.

My heart breaks for Miley and for the girls that look up to her. (Thankfully, I do not think it is as much as when she was a Disney Channel star) I feel sad that she seems to delight in doing such behavior, that her parents didn't train her with different values.......but like with everything, there are lessons to be learned. We can learn that certain actions make us still feel dirty. 

I'm thankful for that feeling. It reminds me of God's saving grace needed to wash us whole. It reminds me that there is a moral compass and conscience that is still alive and well, even when it does feel as if it is barely ticking.

Little things are better than none at all. It does not make the situation right--but proves that things can be so much worse. So I'm thankful for repulsion today....as crazy as that sounds. What about you?

Writerly Link-Up

You might know this about me, you might not:

I'm a writer.

It is why I am going for an English major. It is something I do that calms me down and yet gets me going at the same time.

Well, my dear sister, Meghan, has begun a blog entitled "Every Good Word" (Hence the button)....and today, she was doing a link up with EVERYTHING involving your personal writing style. I thought, "what the heck? It'll be fun."

So now, you get to know more about me in a side I don't usually reveal. Without further ado, here we go....

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1.) What was your first ever piece of writing? It was in kindergarten and I wrote a story. No idea what it was about. But I do remember my teacher thought it was the best in my class, so I got to "represent" at a lunch time with a visiting author named Phil Cisneros. I also remember he wrote a book called "Gabriela Gecko" which thrilled me; it was so close to my name.

2.) How old were you when you first began writing? I feel like I have been writing my entire life. I did it in kindergarten. I wrote a story for an assignment in third grade. I typed up stories on Microsoft Word. Like I said, it is a part of me.

3.) Name two writing goals--one short term and one long term. Honestly, my short term goal is to make it through college writing classes. Do you know how time consuming they feel sometimes when you also have to work, do other studies, and have to travel to weddings in the same period of time?! However, my long term writing goal involves writing a variety of books/articles that get published, both in my hoped for career field (food columns) and my pleasure (my nonfiction book idea.)

4.) Do you write fiction or nonfiction? Sigh. I want to write fiction. However, the Lord has made it ABUNDANTLY clear to me that nonfiction is more of my preferred choice, where I'm supposed to put my efforts. I write that primarily now, between my blog, my book review blog, and my column for Femnista Magazine....in addition to other things.

5.) Bouncing off of question 4, what is your favorite genre to write in? Nonfiction doesn't completely answer the question; it is too broad. In it, I like writing things primarily for young women. If I dabble in fiction, I like writing Christian contemporary fiction (think along the lines of Karen Kingsbury.)

6.) What is one writing lesson you have learned since 2013 began? My latest lesson in my "Writing Creative Nonfiction" class (see, it's fitting, isn't it?) gave me a lot of food for thought. In nonfiction writing, what role does "invention" play in it? Is it right? Or is it a problem?.....you answer.....I have my own opinion on it. ;-)\

7.) Favorite author off the top of your head! Oh boy. Jane Austen and Karen Kingsbury. Closely behind are Katie Ganshert, Irene Hannon, Nathaniel Hawthorne, and Louisa May Alcott. (I managed to NOT answer the question. LOL)

8.) Three current favorite books. Alright. I'll go with current. "I, Claudia", by Charity Bishop....."The One and Only Ivan," by Katherine Applegate...and a three way tie between "The Great Gatsby," by F. Scott Fitzgerald, "I'm No Angel," by Kylie Bisutti.....and "45 Pounds (More or Less)", by K.A. Barson.

I know I didn't answer the question....who cares ;-)

9.) Biggest influence on your writing (person.): Hmm.....you see, because I write nonfiction, the things I have gone through in life, the things God is teaching me....those are my driving influences. However, my mom is the biggest champion I have. She has always supported me. And frankly, I got my skill from her. She passed on her love of writing to me at a young age and via homeschooling. I'm thankful for it.

10.) What's your go-to writing music? I put on a TV show. Seriously. I do. But I also love writing to Carrie Underwood, country music, soundtracks, and Christian songs. Also known as everything on my iPod.

11.) List three to five writing quirks--the habits, must haves as you write, etc. I have to have noise on. It drives me INSANE to study/write in the quiet. I also write best in the afternoon and late evening hours. I have to always have a bottle of water beside me or else I will get too dehydrated. Food wise, I like to dibble on something, usually tortilla chips. And I do not write with an outline to save my life. It drives me up the wall.

12.) What, in three sentences or less, does your writing mean to you? My writing is my way of expression. Of showing who I am and who God has made me to me. I have stories to share and if I could not, I would die inside.

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So.....did you learn anything about me? If you feel so inclined, I would love to hear your own responses. =)

Little Letters

Dear August--Why must you be so busy as it relates to blogging. Thankfully, I have been able to do projects. But I miss blogging. Will life ever slow down? For some reason, I don't think so.

Dear Photo Bin--Thank you for being a totally easy website for me to figure out. I got a crucial gift done in under twelve hours thanks to you.

Dear Criminal Minds--Why do you sometimes make the women so stupid? I mean, seriously, how they turn their back to the bad guy? How, even when they know someone is out there, they still go off in desolate situations by themselves? WILL THEY EVER LEARN?!

Dear ROSS and JCPenny--Thank you for having clothes on sale that are getting me through all of these rehearsal dinners that I have to go to. Or clothes that I want to buy on a cheap budget.

Dear Sun tan--Keep happening this year. At least a little bit. It feels really nice to have to wear a slightly darker shade of makeup.

Dear "Cheat Sites"--I really appreciate being able to get caught up on How I Met Your Mother before it premieres. And I'll use you when Downton Abbey is on, even though I have very low expectations.

Dear "I,Claudia"--Thank you for being an enjoyable and good read. Your author is pretty awesome too and her passion for her subject showed. I wrote a review about it here.

Dear Prince William and Duchess Catherine--My crushes on you two continue to grow. Thank you for appearing normal and sharing a Prince George photo that looks relaxed and normal. You two seem very
happy together--stay that way.

To The Cabin who is hosting Ruth Reichl--Do you have any idea how excited I am to possibly attend an event where an esteemed food critic is? Do you?!

Dear ice cream maker and pasta machine--I MASTERED YOU!!!! I did it. Now the culinary world continues to expand for me. Now if only mom liked short ribs.....

Dear Gone Girl--You were a book that made me feel creeped out. Your characters were so deranged. And so much language. It's doubtful, but in the movie adaptation, could you please tone down on the "F" word? I really would like to see you.

Dear Book of Revelation--Thank you for ending with the promise that Christ is coming again! Such a wonderful and blessed reminder.

Dear Goal--Getting twelve credits in three months felt oh so good. Hopefully I can repeat that again. And Buddhism/Hinduism, you still confuse me.

Dear September--Not sure how ready I am for you considering how crazy my life will be. Wednesday morning childcare starting back up, two weddings, traveling, college, work......but bring it on!

Dear Blog Readers--Proof that I am still alive and well. And I hope, HOPE to write again soon. I miss y'all!

Where I Am

Hi Everyone!!

I feel so bad that I have neglected this blog since my last post. Life is crazy!!

Between college, work, writing, helping with wedding planning, gearing up for traveling, grieving........I've felt dead. But God is good!!

And I will have so much to share in a few days <3 all="" love="" p="" you="">

Dogs DO Become Part of Your Family--A Tribute

 Oh Nikki--do you have any idea how much Garrett and I wanted you to come into our family? We begged and pleaded with Dad--and for the longest time, Dad kept saying "no." He was quite emphatic as a matter of fact. But he's a big softie too...you knew that. Either that or Garrett and I had Dad wrapped around our fingers. Regardless, we picked you up in August of 1998. As soon as Dad said "that's the One." (Yes, this from the guy who did not want you initially), we knew that you were to join our family. Our lives have never been the same since.

It's a wonder that you even lived past that first week. Between pictures, I see that we smothered you, literally, with attention. Garrett loved to carry you around by your neck and you didn't even make a squeal. You bore it lovingly, just as you bore a lot of things.

I'll never forget the time we got rid of you for six hours. Do you remember that? I was attending private school at the time and Mom was fed up with you peeing all over the floor. So we gave you to my 3rd grade teach, Mrs. Lawson. I remember her asking me if I was okay with it. For the record, I was not....but how could I go against Mom? Apparently, though, you found your way into Mom's heart even then because by the time Dad came home, Mom was wearing sunglasses and crying. She called Mrs. Lawson in tears. "Can we have our dog back?" That was the one and only time you have been away from us.....until now.

Oh the things we put you through in those beginning days. There was the time we attempted to have you be a sled dog. We homeschoolers like to make education come alive, so that's what we did. We attached you, and a long rope, to the wagon and told you to "Mush." You just stood there. You didn't know what to do. It was a wonder you knew how to "sit" and "stay" and "bang." But "mushing..."how we were supposed to know you were not the right breed?

We also learned that dogs aren't supposed to eat certain things. Let me see....you ate Easter bread (and gave yourself pancreatitus as a result); a LIFE car (and we had to wait for you to "pass" it); ham; macaroni and cheese. However, the three things you loved most where chicken, goldfish snacks, and peanut butter. Oh gosh, you LOVED peanut butter. I am sorry we got you so fat in those middle age years that you could not eat human food anymore. I wish you had had a taste to remember.

You were a loyal companion, Nikki. Between the three cross country moves and the camping trips, you allowed yourself go through many interesting photo ops. I think we have pictures of you wearing glasses mostly. Or the Christmas antlers that I continually made you wear--even though you would bat them off as soon as I took the picture. Inwardly, I do believe that you loved every minute of it.


As I got older, I loved having you by my side. You always sensed when I needed you. When I would cry, you often came and sat beside me. Sometimes, when I would leave my door shut, you would scratch and make me let you in. (Although you did scratch every door in every house we lived in =) When I went out of town, or to camp that one year, you sensed I wasn't around and you always greeted me with loud squeals and running around. The peeing on the floor in excitement you reserved for strangers.

You showed me what unconditional love looks like, Nikki. I know, I know, it is a weird analogy--but no matter how annoyed with you I got, you always treated me the same. Even when you snapped at me, usually because I was taking away food, you were quick to apologize. You were a dog who stood beside me for fifteen years, even when my human friends abandoned me.

But sadly, you got older. We all do. But dogs don't live as long as humans do. It first started with the seizures, which thankfully, seemed to disappear after a while--with no medication necessary. Then it was the heart murmur we discovered in January. Dad had always said you would die eventually....but Nikki, I wasn't ready for it to be August 1, 2013. I don't know if I ever would have been ready.

I wasn't there when you drew your last breath. God knew that I couldn't be. It would have hurt too much. I would not have been a peaceful presence in the room. But instead, I was able to say goodbye to you before I left for work. I just had a feeling that I needed to. And I was right. As I said those words, "I love you. And if you need to go, you can go," you knew that I was giving you permission to go. So you died in Garrett's arms, in the kitchen, facing the pantry. It all seems apropos somehow. I think you knew that you were surrounded by family that loved you--in a home you loved--in your favorite room in the house.

I can't believe you are gone. None of us can. I keep expecting you to be in your crate....but you aren't. I keep thinking we need to give you your heart medicine....but we do not anymore. We don't hear you scratching or barking that annoying bark that said "I want food" even when you were NOT hungry. And we miss it all.

Ginger misses you too. I know the two of you weren't the greatest of buddies. She really got territorial about certain things. But she senses something is wrong. I think she keeps looking for you....or she's waiting to sniff your butt after you have just gone to the bathroom. How can I make her understand that you're gone? I can't.

I have to believe that you're in Heaven, Nikki. I do struggle with believing that God would create something and have it just cease to exist. I choose to think of you with your "cousins" Wilbur and Sidney, Dad's old dog, Penny....even Cool Ears from down the street. But no matter what, I think of you as waiting by the Gate, waiting to see your family and greet us like the old days. Don't worry, sweet Girl, we're looking forward to that day too. As I go to meet Jesus, I want you walking beside me. But knowing that you are not struggling to get a breath anymore--it does make us smile, although they aren't as big as they usually are, right now.

 I might be an English major, but words are failing me. How can I thank you, Nikki, for all you meant to me? From the age of eight to the age of twenty three, most of my childhood memories have you in them....or at least in the background. Where do I go from here? How do I move on without you? Some might say you were just a dog....but to me, you were so much more than that. You were my loyal companion and a part of my family. A small part of my heart passed away when you did. I know the pain will lessen one day, but today is not that day.

But I know you. You loved your family so much--you would want us to remember the happy times. You would want us to love on Ginger a little bit more. You would want me to make peanut butter cookies and eat them in your honor. And eventually, you will want us to open up our home to another dog, another beagle--and make them feel as loved as you felt for all these years.

I hate to end this, just as I hate to say goodbye. Know this, sweet Nikki (the dog who developed way more nicknames than I could ever possibly remember), you are never far from us. We know you lived a long, rich, full life....we just wish it could have been longer. Thank you for the years, for the memories. Even this pain I feel right now--this feeling of enormous loss and the tears that flow--is worth it. Because it means we had you. And I wouldn't change that for a million years.

 I love you. Now go and play....I will see you again, my precious beagle dog.

15 Years Waiting

I have really good ears. I often pick up tidbits of conversations that were not meant for me. I don't mean to do it....honest! However, while I have sometimes found things out that I would not want to because of this "eavesdropping," this past week I had a really blessed moment. It was one of those "God has something to teach me" type of moments.

I was blessed to be working at VBS when this occurred. Being a station leader, I gave all the crews tasks to do and as they were being done, I sat around--paying attention to the kids' responses.

One night we were on the topic of prayer and the question was "What was one time where you had to trust God about a situation and you took it to Him in prayer?" In a group off to my left, there was a lull in the conversation. (After all, eight year olds do not always want to be put on the spot.) Seizing the opportunity, their leader said.

"Let me share a time with you. I was twenty and I wanted to be married so bad. I prayed about it. I prayed about it. And nothing happened. But God kept wanting me to pray. So I did. Fifteen years later, God brought a man into my life."

There was no other way around it: God meant me to hear that and I leaned over and told her as much. She came over and told me about how people thought she was a lesbian.......how she was happy and content yet had momentary struggles at the same time....how she had doubted...While it was a conversation that lasted but one minute, it was a conversation that I won't soon forget.

This post isn't meant to be just about singleness, although it can definitely be taken that way. It was in the moment that the Lord reminded me to indeed "Pray without ceasing" (1 Thessalonians 5:17) That once again, his time table was not my own.....and that He can take outings not meant for me (like VBS. I mean, come on, it's geared for elementary aged children) and teach me something.

I know of people in many seasons of life. Waiting to be married. Waiting to get pregnant. Waiting for new job opportunities. Waiting to be a published author.....And when there is silence, we are tempted to give up the desire. Trust me, I have days like that, where I want to throw in the towel. But I was reminded by this woman that God does answer prayers. If she had given up her dream, she wouldn't be a wife and a mom to two beautiful young boys. She would not have had a testimony that she could share with me.

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"Acceptance," Catherine Marshall says, "says: True, this is my situation at the moment. I'll look unblinkingly at the reality of it. But, I'll also open my hands to accept willingly whatever a loving Father sends me." 

I am seeking to live a life of acceptance. Acceptance that I am single, waiting to graduate college, waiting on my dream involving my book writing.....but I am also seeking to never give up. I go through these things--you go through your things--so you can have your own testimony, your own story. Do you share it? Do you take pride in it.

I am resolved to do that more. I haven't been waiting for my desires long. (Deep down, I really do not think I'll have to wait fifteen years either.) God has only begun a work in me. He still has much to teach me--and he'll even use VBS and a woman I had never met to do it.

So watch out, my dear readers. You never know what conversation you might hear ;-)

Poor Me Syndrome

I can count on it happening every four or five weeks. It comes around the time that a McDonald's burger actually sounds good--which it rarely does--and I want to eat fried food and ice cream. It's also the time where I cry at every. blessed. thing imaginable. Rationality gets thrown out the window and instead Poor Me Syndrome replaces it.

I sadly give into PMS far, far too often. I can feel it creeping into my life, into my thoughts. Self doubt rages. I definitely become the "glass half empty" person. Thankfully I can still think positively about other people, but I cannot remotely do that about myself. I struggle with jealousy, believing the enemy's lies, and "woe is me" should just be my catch phrase.

In this year of every one getting married and me still being single--in this year of people having their college graduations and I'm still studying away--it's definitely easy to be like Eeyore. My Poor Me Syndrome tells me that I'll never get these things. I'll always be the one losing my tail but never getting it back.

However, I am trying to do my best this summer with one thing: not giving in to PMS and so far, I do feel like I'm doing better. (Instead of it lasting a week, it lasts a day, isn't that a huge blessing?! I would say for all around me it is.) I'm never going to completely beat it and there certainly isn't any medicine to help. But life is all about choices and I can either give in or rise above.

Years ago, I went through a legalism journey. I have talked about it before and I have shared how I learned immeasurably about grace. I realize and recognize that I am still learning about grace. Grace that holds me up when I doubt and struggle. Grace that holds up me to face a new day. Grace that reminds me that I have been called to this "different" life for a special reason, a reason no one else could accomplish. Grace that leaves me refined for the day and awaiting refinement for the next.

These next six months are going to be interesting ones for me. They will be amazing and beautiful and joyful, yet bittersweet and tough at the same time. There will be plenty of opportunities to fall on my knees before my Father, asking me for grace and strength. That my true feelings--those of genuine happiness and rejoicing--would supersede those of Poor Me Syndrome. PMS isn't good for anyone--it isn't for myself nor is it for those whom I am around.

I am a work in process, as one of my dear friends likes to say about herself (and I am now copying.) I don't have it all together and I definitely will give you a heads up about that =) I still will have those weeks where I want to sit and cry my issues into a pint of ice cream. But I refuse to give victory. I do not want a jaded outlook to be what I am known for; after all, you gain a reputation from the smallest of occurrences, even your response from a day of Poor Me Syndrome.

I truly am excited with my life. And this year holds amazing things for me. I know that. I need to ALWAYS know that, cling to it, remember to it. I hope you all can do the same as well.

You Knew I'd Talk About It, Right? ;-)

 There are two things heavily documented on this blog:

1.) My love of Kate Middleton
2.) My love of all things British

So yes, what is this blog without some pictures of the latest addition to the Royal family. I will unashamedly admit that I stayed up ridiculously late once I head that the Duchess had gone into labor, seemingly thinking that she would have the baby sooner rather than later. Yeah right. Who was I kidding? That labor took forever.

I was the one who read every article after the baby was born. I was the one who even turned on CNN to watch recycled info....just because I was that obsessed. And yes, I will be the one who buys the special addition of People as soon as I see it on the newsstands.

I am so excited to watching William and Catherine be parents. I actually think they will be quite good ones. Kate, being a "commoner" will keep her child down to earth; William, ever sensitive since his mother's death, will do anything and everything to protect that child. And this might be my hopeless romantic nature talking, but because William saw what his mother went through, I think William will also do anything to protect Kate--and I do believe he will remain faithful to her.

As I watched them greet the public, I thought of how normal they looked. How much in love with each other they were. This article in particular made me smile. And I read one just today about how William plans to take his son to his mother's gravesite this fall.....what a bittersweet moment.

I'll admit, I wish his name were a little different. George Alexander Louis is a bit big for this little Prince, although I know he will grow into it. While I wish his parents had gone down another avenue (still British but slightly more modern), the beauty of naming kids is that you can name them what you want.....and apparently, William and Kate had no input from others: these were their choices.

Now I'm intrigued to see who his godparents will be. =D

I'll always remember where I was when I found out he was born....I was actually at Chipotle eating lunch when my phone went off with a barrage of texts. In a world where we remember negative instances of "where we were," it's good to have a positive and happy one.

Not Apologizing

There's a lot of apologizing in the world right  now. Either that or there are people demanding an apology for something. People want others to like them, accept them, think of them as perfect people. And if they defy certain stereotypes, then something must be wrong with them. We are indoctrinated with varieties of this message from a young age.....and it continues until the day we die.

I am a person who likes people liking them. I don't want people hating me and when I have done something, I won't rest until I know what it is until I fix it. However, over the past few years, the Lord has done some working in my life. He showed me that while there are things I do need to apologize for (like when I have wronged someone), there are others where, frankly, it's okay to be different. And not apologize.

I'm in a season of life right now where I cannot help but feel different. I am a twenty-three year old single girl. I work outside of the home, in a job that I love, and I'm going to college. I kind of go against those homeschooler stereotypes and I love it. But some days I wonder what others think of me. Do they really approve of me? Should I change to meet their expectations? I come back with a resounding "NO" every single time.

This is who I am. I'm the girl who loves "How I Met Your Mother" and college football. I love my country music as well as my Chris Tomlin and Casting Crowns. I love my romantic comedies and I do have a glass of wine every now and then. I am the one who is passionate about adoption and I believe in sexual purity...My list goes on and on. You know that Dr. Seuss quote that goes "Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one who is youer than you?" Well, I definitely feel like that sums me up most days.

I have had to watch myself lately. Satan knows my buttons and he knows which ones to push. He knows I question if I am conservative enough to get  married. If I am ever going to meet a guy who will love me for ALL aspects of me and not want to change my little idiosyncrasies. It doesn't matter what I tell myself: there are days where I am tempted to take it all back, to apologize for the person I know God has made me to be.

And then the Lord reminded me of one big thing: The people who love me, truly love me, will not ask me to change and conform to their standards. They will push me closer to Christ, to look to Him for life's answers. They will remind me of how there are gray areas in life, in His word, and I was to find them for myself.

I can tell you right now that I feel right in the middle of God's will--and trust me when I say that there is no place better to be! That even goes for these single years. They might be downright pain, just as they were two weeks ago. But they are refining me bit by bit and I do not apologize for it.

It is the easier thing to apologize. And I know tomorrow I will probably be tempted yet again to do so. But God made me, made YOU, for more than man's approval. He has a purpose for all us. So don't apologize if you find yourself from a different background than most people--if you're single when everyone else is married. You aren't alone. You are important....and you are amazing.

Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. That goes for me too =)\

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"Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex. Your workmanship is marvelous--how well I know it."~~Psalm 139:14